If I asked you define yourself, what would you say? Some might define themselves by the multiple jobs and tasks that make them who they are. That would be "I'm a college student," or "I'm an athlete," or "I'm a writer." Other's might define themselves by saying "I'm awkward," or "I'm goofy," or "I'm intelligent." Throughout our lives we grow into who we are. For myself, I grew into this awkward, goofy human that has no problem dancing like forty year old dad. I'm OK with that. But that doesn't mean I'm not strong, tough, and bold.
Up until recently I believed that you could only be one thing. Meaning if I was goofy I could only be seen as goofy. Or if I was only tough I could only be seen as tough. But that's not necessarily true. Because you can be goofy, and weird but you can also be strong and bold.
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If one day you really look like you're a total badass, bold and fearless ready to take on the world and the next you're falling apart, tripping over air, that is totally fine.
In many ways society wants us to fit into one category and stay there. It starts in high school through cliques. Through no fault of our own we each gravitate to our own clique. The jocks hang out with the jocks, the populars with the populars, the theater kids with the theater kids and the nerd with the nerds. As we go through life we seem to find individuals that are like us and are interested in the same things we are. How boring is that?
I never would have imaged not fitting in would be a blessing but it is. As someone who ran track in high school, but could also easily have an hour long discussion about Emily Dickinson, or T.S. Elliot or F. Scott Fitzgerald I never really had one group to call my own. I was a nerd, I was clumsy and I was awkward. But I was also an dedicated athlete. I tripped over my own feet, yet I ran hurdles.
By all means I was a paradox. I learned that I can be athletic, bold, strong, independent, and goofy, and weird, and awkward. That's who I am.
I once felt as though I had to find one group and stick with it. I had to be a total jock. Or I had to be a total nerd. Or I had to be totally awkward. But I'm not a one dimensional character in a really bad show. I'm me. I'm a paradox, and I've learned to embarrass it because there's nothing as freeing as unapologetically being yourself. So yes, I will dance like a dad, after a killer track workout, while also commenting on my beautifully nerdy Edgar Allen Polka-dot socks.
