Alright men, huddle up. There's an important day coming up soon if you've got a special person in your life. Here's how you're going to celebrate Valentines Day right:

Step 1. Make sure you know what day it is

Ladies reading this article are probably already rolling their eyes. Trust me, there is a reason this is a common google search. Yeah, I was pretty sure it was the 14th, but I JUST WANTED TO CHECK. Get off my back.

Step 2. Examine your partner

Observe and report. This is a war and you need to know everything about your enemy. Except it's not a war at all, and your partner is the opposite of your enemy. This metaphor really fell apart.

There are a variety of ways to do this. Your best bet is going to be to talk to them and ask what kind of Valentine's Day they want. That's crazy talk, though, and also at this point, you're cutting it a bit close if you want anything to be a surprise.

Protip: Ask them this stuff in, like, October and write it down. Save that and pull it out in February. Also, do not tell them you're doing this. VERY IMPORTANT. You'll seem like a sweet gentleman instead of the drooling primate you are.

"But that doesn't help me now !" Cool it, cupcake. I'm getting to that. So you're at DefCon 1, no prep and Valentine's Day is staring you down like a hungry T-rex. (Coincidentally, if you forget Valentines Day, your girlfriend will fossilize you.) Here are some tried and true options.

Option 1. Chocolate and Flowers

Yeah, it's cliche. You know where cliches come from? Good ideas that everyone liked. Make it less cliche by making them a card. Even you, with your bear paw hands, can manage to write something nice on a folded piece of paper. Draw a terrible picture too. Really can't think of what to say? Everyone likes being thanked. Think about all the things they've done for you.

Option 2. Special Dinner

Another cliche, but there are ways around it. If you want to do something expensive, then do it, but we're in college. Special can be something you both like. If you want to really pull this off, try talking to an owner/manager in advance and see if they can do anything special for you two.

Option 3. Thoughtful Gift

I've been told I'm pretty good at giving gifts. It comes naturally to me, but I've got the biggest tip anyone is ever going to tell you about gift giving. The formula for a good gift is hobby/passion + something to support that thing. Say you've got a partner who likes guitar. Have they been talking about needing anything for their guitar recently? If yes, there you go. If no, then just google it, dude. Get something to say "Yes I know you like this thing and I think that's really cool. I hope you keep doing it."

Bad Option. Sex

Look, you're not as good a lad as you think you are, my friend. The only reason your sweaty butt is still around is that vibrators don't talk.

"Tonight is all about you." I'm going to stop you right there. First, if your partner has to wait until Valentine's day to hear that, you're doing it wrong. Second, it's just sad.

Maybe the festivities end up in some wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am but it's the capstone, you need some foundation first.

Step 3. Execute Plan

This is, without a doubt, the hardest part. You have to manage to not be a bumbling troglodyte for some extended period of time. Don't you worry, I've got a secret for this one too. Just have fun. You're taking some time to be with someone you care about. Enjoy that, enjoy any hiccups along the way, and appreciate another human actually enjoying being around you.

For my single brothers in arms

Don't sweat it. We're just as alone on any other day.