It seems staying in shape as a college student is becoming increasingly difficult. We have zero time, unlimited amounts of stress, and a fast food restaurant on every corner. It's extremely easy to just binge eat taco bell at 3 a.m. while you're supposed to be studying for your exam the next day. Fortunately, my t.v. was stuck on Dr. Oz earlier this week, so now I am a nutrition and health expert.
1. Exercise, as seen on T.V. The first thing you're going to want to do is invest in one of those super gimmicky exercise programs you see on infomercials. They all claim that they burn like a million calories in under 20 minutes so I guess it doesn't really matter which one you buy. Personally, I've heard good things about the Ab Destroyer 5000 and the SuperTrainerMaxxxPro Elite. Both are easily installed and only cost 5 simple payments of $29.99 and one really complicated payment of $53.27!
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2. Fish Oil. The next thing you should do is buy fish oil. I have no idea why but Dr. Oz had a big diagram and it looked really scientific and I believe everything I see on t.v. I'm not even sure what to do with it, to be honest. Rub it on your skin maybe?
3. Eat Nothing But Celery And Water. See, we never have time to work out, and when we do have time to work out, it's the last thing we actually want to do. But you don't have to worry about burning calories, if you don't consume any calories in the first place. Plus, water is free and celery is cheap.
4. Buy Expensive Workout Clothes And Hang Out At The Gym A Lot. I actually came up with this myself. See, every time I go to the gym there's always a lot of people just sitting around in their fancy Nike clothes and Beats ear buds. I never see them do anything other than take up the squat racks and take selfies in the mirrors, but almost all of them are really muscular so clearly they're doing something right.
5. Turn Everything Into Juice. Apparently everything is healthy if you just put it in a blender and turn it into a smoothie. Fruit, Kale, fancy berries from the Amazon, peanut butter, eggs, and just about anything you can get your hands on. If it's been juiced, it's good for you. Fact.
