As a college sophomore, I can say I’ve spent a decent amount of time making my own decisions. I moved away from home to college when I was still 17, legally not allowed to do much besides see an R rated movie, and learned that having lenient parents was one of the best ways to make me mature at a faster and less invading way.
When I turned 16, my parents bought me a car. They handed me the keys the day I got my license and never looked back. They gave me an 11 p.m. curfew (which is also TN state curfew for 16-year-olds) and trusted I would follow it. I did, for the most part. They knew I had saved money from working since I was 15 to pay for gas and things, and trusted that I would never be so broke that I would break down without gas, with that being said, they didn’t hand me money every time I went somewhere either.
My parents raised me to be an honest human, one with good intentions, and one that knew with bad decisions come consequences. I definitely abused the freedom I had multiple times. I knew what I could and could not get away with and I played with the lines of the understood rules that my parents had set, but what stretching those lines, and ultimately getting caught taught me, was that sometimes your parents are right. Sometimes there are reasons that rules, even from lenient parents, are set without an explanation.
My parents never read through my text messages, read my journals, or thought about taking off my bedroom door, because even though they knew I didn’t always handle situations the way they would, they knew I had to make my own decisions if I was going to learn from them.
I never had to ask about who could stay the night at my house, I never had to ask who was and wasn’t allowed in my car, and I never had to ask who I was and wasn’t allowed to be friends with because my lenient parents trusted me to make my own good decisions. Did I always make the best ones? Absolutely not. Did my parents get mad at me? Absolutely. Did I learn my own life lessons without being punished? Without a doubt.
Although I have met parents that are far more lenient than mine were when I was a minor, I learned that having lenient parents gives children a sense of responsibility. When I would get caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to or get caught somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, I didn’t get grounded for a month or get my car taken away, I got sat down, asked why I was doing said thing, explained why that wasn’t going to happen again, and sent on my way. I was faced with many decisions that I put myself in the situation to happen, and although I didn’t always make the right decision, the decisions I made, made me a stronger and more understanding human.
Now as an adult, I do not ask if I can go places or what time I should be home, but I have the courtesy when I am staying at home with my parents, to give them a run-down of who I’ll be with and where I should be. Not because I have to, but because it gives us both peace of mind. The most beautiful day you can have as a young adult, is when you realize your parents have become your friends rather than someone who dictates what you do and when you do it.
I am eternally grateful for my “lenient” parents, because without them letting me make my own mistakes, I wouldn’t have learned so much about who I am as an individual.
