Have you ever been driving in town and the person in front of you suddenly stops in the middle of the lane? You think to yourself, “oh there might be construction or a biker in front of him.” But lo and behold, he turns left into a business.

What? Where did that come from? Thanks for letting me know, blue Corolla.

I, like many people around the globe, drive quite a bit. I have a 35-minute commute to and from work and I have a 15-minute commute to school. I experience quite a bit of nonsense (I usually use a different word than “nonsense” but I can’t use language like that here).

The other morning I was making my trek to work at the ripe time of 6:30. I was behind a trash truck, which normally bothers me but today was going the speed limit and not making frequent stops. I had no way of getting around him, seeing as my commute has a lot of hills and blind turns.

Before I know it, there’s a big white pick up truck tailgating me and leaning on his horn. Obviously he’s on his way to work too. I get you, I’m annoyed too. But there isn’t much I can do about it, now is there?

So I’m driving, minding my own business, when I look in my mirror and he’s not there. I assume he must have turned somewhere and don’t think of it. Until I see him in my peripheral vision to my left. This butthole was driving in the on coming traffic lane to get around me.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. I honked at him and he just stared at me. We drove this way for about a mile (thank goodness no traffic was coming) before he finally cut in front of me back in the right lane.

I was so shocked I couldn’t even think straight. I threw up the bird when he turned left and I went on my way.

This happened on Wednesday. And it’s still bothering me.

That man was a very bad driver. How did he pass a driving test? Why would the state of Maryland let him have a license to drive?

The number of times I’ve had to honk my horn, roll my eyes, and jerk the wheel to avoid a crash is appalling to me. Driving shouldn’t be such a chore or such a pain. But it is. Because people don’t know how to drive.

I live in Cockeysville, and let me tell you, crowded suburb driving is the worst I’ve experienced. I’m sure inner-city driving sucks, but from my experience, heavy suburb traffic is horrific.

So here it is: How To Be A Bad Driver 101.

Don’t ever use your turn signal.

Don’t check your mirrors before switching lanes, merging, or moving from your spot at all.

Honk in parking garages (because we all know that’s how to get the cars moving).

Pay more attention to your phone than the road.

And, above all, you should ALWAYS drive when your brake lights are out.

If you do one or a combination of these things, you are sure to bother everyone around you (yet always manage to not get pulled over, even though you probably deserve it).