Emotions are tricky and processing them is even trickier. I was in high school when I first heard the concept of being an Imploder or an Exploder. Essentially this refers to what you do with your emotions. Do you deal with them internally and keep them to yourself or do you share them with other people? If anyone knows me, they know I am 100% an exploder. I process things externally, typically through talking with others and I have done this my entire life. I remember my first day of 3rd grade I came home and talked over my day with my mom. Talking with my Mom was how I processed things and I continued to do this the entire time I lived at home. Then when I went to college I would process things with my close friends. The problem came when I was put into a situation where, for almost a month, I had no one to process things with. Then when something big came up I got so frustrated from keeping everything inside that I blew up and caused huge problems. I hurt people and caused tension, because there is a fine line between externally processing things and gossiping. I had no intention of gossiping, but that is how it came across. I realized I had taken advantage of the fact the people I normally talk to know me well and can understand my motives. I did not know what the balance was, and whenever I tried to process things internally I got frustrated and eventually blew up. I was leaving God out of the equation. I thought because I processed externally it had to be with a friend or someone who would audibly reply. That’s the funny thing about God, we must wait for his answer, but it is always the best one. After realizing this, I also realized I have a problem with over sharing the things going in my life with people who did not need to know. I am a very transparent person and sometimes that is not a bad thing, but it also means I need to be careful. I’ve realized when people ask me if I’m okay I can say no without sharing my life story. Bringing people into any situation can make it messy. That is why ultimately, I have really tried turning to God and processing things with Him, not with my friends. I still run things by my friends to get their take on it but it is after I take it to God. I realize when I can process things with God and take all my anger and frustration or really any of those raw emotions to Him instead of to my friends, it takes out the possibility that I am gossiping or venting. It does not always happen this way (because I’ll have the chance to talk to a friend before I can get away to write in my journal) and in those situations, I’ve noticed how it could have gone better if I had gone to God with my problem before my friends. I am 100% an extrovert and I love people but even I have seen the good in taking my quiet moments with God or keeping my journal in my backpack so I can jot down my feelings to process something. Some quick steps that will really help you not to gossip are these five questions:
- Would I want someone saying what I am about me?
- Am I pulling someone else into my sin?
- Am I using this situation to have an emotionally charged situation with someone I shouldn’t?
- Am I glorifying God in this situation?
- Am I putting others first?
These questions are not easy and sometimes they are the last thing we want to ask when we are angry but we must remember, ultimately God calls us to love EVERYONE, even people who makes us angry. Instead of gossiping or berating them we need to make sure we are showing them love while we work through our anger and frustration with God. Processing things with God first before processing with others not only stops you from gossiping but also draws you closer to God.
