What do you do? What do you say? We all know someone struggling or who has struggled, yet those thoughts don't nearly compare to what is going on in that freshly diagnosed mind of their's.
In November 2018 when I was diagnosed with brain cancer, my world felt as if it melted around me in loose pieces that could never be picked up. I wanted to talk about it to those who loved me because I knew they would really care, but the more people I spoke with, the more I heard, "Well my family member has been through this so I know what it's like" or "I saw this in a movie once".
I appreciate the story but a phrase I quickly learned from my oncologist was "Everyone is different." I'm my own person, my own story, and no one but me knows how my illness makes me feel.
Now, I'm not trying to make this "Boohoo! All about me!", but I want other people looking for advice to know how to be a friend to someone they love who is hard time.
1. Invites
Plenty of times I'm asked to do things: trips, hangouts, go to the mall. Most times I have to decline due to my health. I may look okay most of the time but the truth is my body is struggling to just make it up the stairs. This doesn't mean give up asking, one day I promise they'll say yes.
2. Endurance
Don't be insulted if after an hour or two your friend wants to go home. In my personal experience I live on bursts of energy. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn't, but that doesn't mean they don't want to hangout with you.
3. Be Mindful
Be mindful of what you say, do, and even eat. This is a really sensitive time for the individual, and yes smell plays a huge part in it. So when they're around try to be courteous.
Overall, all anyone really wants is a friend to make them smile, spend time with, and to be able to confide it. Cancer is a really scary time, and it's even scarier to do it alone. Be the friend you would want to have.
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