I’ve been in the military for almost two years and have already witnessed, first and second-hand, relationships that have started out great and ended in catastrophe because someone only thought they understood what it meant to be with a man in the American Armed Forces. You’ve seen the 22-year-old man, broad shoulders, clean cut appearance and you absolutely swooned over him in his camouflage uniform. In a world where we are used to being number one, when you agree to be in a relationship with a military man, prepare for the unexpected. There is a lot that comes with the package of that man with a nice body and a steady job. It doesn’t matter how prepared you think are, you can never know what the day to day life with a serviceman will have in store.
Needy is a no-go.
If you are the type that always feels the need to be by their boyfriends’ side, a military relationship is not for you. Be able to adapt and become more independent, or it may not really work out. You should never expect him to always be able to be right at your beckoning call and should never make him feel guilty about it. If that is you, then you might want to just stop here.
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Those weekend plans are always tentative.
Before getting socially or emotionally involved with a man in the military, you should realize that he is “married” to the military. He took an unbreakable vow to put his country first, even before his own life. You two may have a vacation planned ahead for four months to get away on a long weekend, but as soon as he is told to come in on the weekend because “duty called,” those plans are now down the drain and there is nothing you or your man can do about it. It’s a part of the lifestyle that is hard to swallow and it will upset you every time. His commander doesn’t care and the military doesn’t care. The best thing to do is to just to try and accept it.
His boys are part of the family.
I’m going to leave this one short. He is with his wingmen, or battle buddies, just as much or more than you. So unless you two are headed on a hot date, don’t be surprised if the boys are tagging along.
He may sometimes love you from a distance.
Being in the military is one of the most stressful jobs in the world and males naturally try to avoid conflict. Coming home to a house full of problems after a frustrating day of work can cause a man to go crazy. Naturally he may try to stay to himself and try to work the problems alone and avoid any bit of confrontation with you. Friends come and go, and in the military, it happens way too often. Between PCS-ing (changing bases), separations or a man being killed, you couldn’t expect any less than for him to become distant. You never know who will still be there tomorrow and he understands that all too well.
Anxiety and worry.
If you are one that worries about everything and have anxiety, this lifestyle may not be for you. There will be many times he can’t talk about what he did at work, where he is going or how long he will be gone. Add that in with limited communication while he’s gone, and you have a bad combination.
You won’t change his mind.
If you are with a man who loves being in the military and you do not or cannot accept the family-lifestyle of being a spouse of a serviceman, you may want to end it there. You will never change his mind and will only create a bigger divide between the two of you.
You can’t be a homebody.
If you are one that needs to be near mom, dad or just close to home, then being a military spouse may not be for you. You could move one time during his career or 10 times spending a minimum of one year at a duty station. You will have to be flexible and maybe even step out of your comfort zone to create a new social circle at each base.
You’ll always be #2.
A 12-hour work day usually turns into a 13-hour day due to shift turnover. That turns into a 15-hour day after working out, eating, showering and after that, it's finally time for bed. You might get a message to let you know he’s made it another day and it’s time for bed–he has to rest his body. When he wakes up 8 hours later it’s time to shave, get dressed and start the trek back to work. That leaves no time to really see what is going on back home, spend “quality time,” messaging or video-chatting. You will be the topic that he wants to focus his mind on, but you will always be a close second to the contract he signed his next few, maybe even next 20 years to. His job will always come first.
Life of the unknown.
The positives of dating a man in the military far outweigh the negatives. If you’re open to a life of traveling the world with almost no cost to you and are up for an extraordinary adventure, that is some of what this life has to offer you. It is what you make of it. If you choose, it will make you a stronger, braver and more courageous person. Stay rest assured that most military careers end in 20 years if they happen even go that long. So enjoy it while you can and the “normal” life will be on its way!
