You see her standing there. You tell your friends she looks bored or bossy or just plain angry. Deciding to ignore your friends' advice, you walk up and ask her to Steak and Shake for dinner. With a look of pure annoyance, she replies, "It's actually called Steak 'n Shake." She is very sarcastic! You clarify, "So is that a yes?" Her response is about to be very sarcastic, you can already tell. Maybe you should take your smart and perceptive self on a trivia game show. This might be your opportunity to finally live out your Slumdog Millionaire fantasy. A great film with a great dance number at the end. She opens her mouth to respond…

And her answer is sarcastic! *DING DING DING* You've just won a million dollars! She tells you that she'd love to go on a date with you to Steak 'n Shake. It's open 24 hours, which means that she can't use "I don't have time" as an excuse. Thrilled and very pleased with yourself, you start doing a jig, the kind of jig you'd see on a Starburst commercial. But then…you glance down at her arms--and what happens next will shock you!

Her triceps are humungous. I enjoy metaphors, so here's one about her triceps. They are so big that if you were playing Never Have I Ever and somebody said, "Never have I ever seen triceps that large," you wouldn't put a finger down. She's both sarcastic and athletic. It almost seems like a match made in heaven (or as atheists call it, SkyMall). The walk home from the party is wonderful; you're in love. But lying in bed, something nags at the back of your mind. Are my triceps adequate? Are her triceps actually small and just pretending to be large in a sarcastic manner? Will Jon Snow's character be replaced by a less cool version who will be played by Will Ferrel for three episodes?

Let me teach you a lesson, my friends, about insecurity and doubt. Those are the only things standing in between you and your dreams. That sounds like a Jordan Belfort quote, you might think. It is actually a paraphrased quote from him, and just like the Wolf of Wall Street, your life story can end happily too. You didn't misinterpret her feelings for you, just like you didn't misinterpret that movie. It is about an intrepid, young business man who likes to do things unconventionally and doesn't let "the man" tell him what to do. That girl is sarcastic; she does have big triceps; she is in love with you.

So we've learned that she has feelings for you, but how does she love differently? After all, the article title implies that you'll learn how she loves differently. But the real question is…how would I understand her mind? I'm not inside her head.

But here's a little twist that'll turn this whole article upside down. That girl…is me. And those triceps…are you.