A few years ago, my pastor asked his leadership team to do a 40 day fast of some sort, whether it be a break from television or from fast food. A few other people on the team had talked about doing this thing called the Daniel Fast, which is based off of the Biblical book of Daniel (Daniel 9), which is a diet that consists of only fruits, nuts and vegetables.
A few of my close friends had done it before and encouraged me to give it a try. It was going to be a huge challenge for me because most of my meals, while in college, consisted of ramen noodles and Doritos. However, I knew that the purpose of a spiritual fast was to give something important up in order to show God just how desperate you are for Him to move in your life.
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At the time, I had been struggling to connect with God. I prayed but felt like I was talking to a wall. I went to worship services, but I only lifted my hands because I thought that's what I needed to do in order for people to see me as being spiritually mature. I would sit down to read my Bible and just get frustrated because of the doubt I had in the truth of what I was reading. I wanted more of God. I wanted to be bold and see others changed by Him, but every time I was faced with an opportunity to step out in faith something was holding me back. It was like I kept hitting a wall.
So, I started the Daniel Fast. The first couple of days were easy—and even exciting—but as the time went on, it became harder and harder. I went to campus events where they were serving pizza and I had to be OK with just eating a banana and a granola bar. I would go to a Mexican buffet after church on Sundays (where there was unlimited cheese dip), and be fine with a plate of rice and beans with a little salsa. In the middle of the fast, I was struggling. It had been twenty days since I had eaten at Chick-fil-A, and here in the south, that's a long time to go without that juicy, fried chicken sandwich from Heaven. I kept strong though with the help of several friends who encouraged me to persevere.
Then, a close friend asked me to go to this event called Chrysalis, which was a Christian weekend retreat. She couldn't tell me anything about it except where it was and when to be there. Now, the thought of not knowing anything about something scared the crap out of me. I had no idea what to expect, but after spending a little time thinking about it I felt like God was strongly urging me to go.
When I got there, I was nervous. I didn't know if it was because I had no clue what was about to happen, or if this weekend was going to change my life forever. However, I warmed up to the experience. The second night of the retreat, one of the student leaders shared his testimony and how he had been struggling with an addiction to pornography. He shared how he knew that he couldn't overcome that battle without letting go of the control it had over him.
I was a wreck. In that moment, I instantly knew why God had me there. He knew that I too had been battling that same problem and desperately wanted to set me free from the chains that kept me from serving Him like I wanted to. I saw this student openly talk about what God was doing in his life and it gave me hope. I found it so hard to share my faith with people because I wasn't willing to share just what God was trying to do in my life.
I left that retreat completely speechless.
I had finally understood that in order to really make a difference in this world, I couldn't be tied up by the forceful chains that sin had me in. I fought with God over the next few hours desperately begging him for another way. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone looking at me differently. I was afraid that I would be abandoned by people. The shame that addiction created in my life prevented me from being able to feel close to, not only the people around me, but also to God. I realized that I had been holding onto a lot of anger, bitterness and frustration after my best friend from high school died.
I did it.
I opened up to the closest people in my life because I knew that they wanted what was best for me. I was met with nothing short of compassion and love. From that day on, my struggle was gone. I had no more addiction, but I also was free from the all of the anger that controlled me. My relationship with my parents, which had been on a downward spiral since I lost my friend, was able to be restored and healed. I began to see the world differently. As I scrolled through Instagram that night, I saw people as God sees them. I saw them as broken, hurting people that are in desperate need of a Savior.
By the end of the fast, I was a completely different person. I served people differently. I ate differently. I decided that after losing 45 pounds and feeling better each day to only bring chicken and seafood back into my diet. I had built so much self-discipline that I was able to focus more on my schoolwork. My relationship with God skyrocketed and I could hear His voice clearer than I ever had.
God did so much in those 40 days. For the first time in my whole life of being in church, I understood what it was like to be free in God's grace. I no longer worried about whether or not I was worthy. I didn't feel guilty or ashamed anymore. If there is anything I've learned from that experience, it is that sometimes God asks us to do really hard things. However, in the end, we learn things about Him that we never thought we would. We experience more of His presence than we ever dreamed. We begin to reach the potential that God sees in us to do all the things He created us to do.
