It's Friday night and you're ready for a night on the town. You and the ladies want to hit the city's most exclusive club, but you need to be there by 7:00 to ensure a spot at the front of the line. Unfortunately, the girls spent too long having a nostril flaring competition, and now it's already 6:25! The club is only 15 minutes away, but the girls forgot the car back at their place. Whoops! You decide you want to hitch a ride from someone with questionable morals at a "probably not worth it" price. You call up an Uber which, according to the driver, should be there in six minutes. The driver says that they're on their way, but how can you be absolutely sure that your ride will be there on time? Here are several ways you can tell:
Your fingers fall off in increments of two
If this omen happens to you, bad news! The chances of your ride getting there on time are almost certainly non-existent!
The Beatles announce a reunion tour
Bummer! If The Beatles come back for one last tour, NOBODY'S going to come pick you up! They'll be booking it to the concert! It also means that people have returned from the dead, and that is a thing that shouldn't happen. You may want to consider exiting this plane of reality.
A carrier pigeon sends you spam mail
Good news! You can receive a monthly shipment of robot bees for $49 a month! Bad News! Your Uber isn't anywhere to be seen!
It has been longer than six minutes
If your ride is late, then that can only mean one thing; your Uber isn't going to be on time!
You spontaneously decide to become vegan
Wow, that's unfortunate! No meat means no Uber! You might want to wait to make that decision there, buddy!
Uber ceases to exist
How can your Uber be on time if there never was an Uber in the first place? In fact, you just looked like a person who is the opposite of sane when you opened your phone and demanded an Uber driver. What even is that?
