Not to be melodramatic, but if felt like I barely did. There are many reasons for it: the results, the lack of sleep, and my perpetual anxiety and depression. So having all of that rolled up into one day on top having to go about my routine for that Wednesday, it was just a bit much for me to handle. Oh I know, I need to just get over it but remember how I said I have anxiety and depression literally just two sentences ago? Yeah, so it “getting over it” isn’t really an easy thing to do. I did however get through the day and I decided to tell the tale of how I did so because I feel as though there are some out there that could relate to this story.

So the night of the election, I had stayed up all night watching the results, mostly while sitting in Tudors with my best friend while eating biscuits and looking at dank memes, and waited for the impending doom of this country. My body was wrought with anxiety and all I wanted to do was throw up. I watched that person win and just felt devastated and terrified. I couldn’t believe that this had actually happened- I’m still in disbelief, honestly. And at the time of said win, I was writing a fiction story and I continued to do so because I was worried for my mental state at the time. I needed to focus on other things and fiction is usually the best option to fall back on. After several more minutes of typing, I heavily sighed, closed my laptop, and went to sleep. And when I woke the next morning, I cried real tears. Which didn’t surprise me much, I was truly upset about this whole ordeal. I knew that majority of the country was feeling the same way did, maybe even worse. And the tears didn’t stop for a long time and I allowed myself to have that moment. I proceeded to look through social media and felt nauseated all over again. It hurt me to see the hate and the happiness of this unbelievable decision all over my dash and newsfeed. And what bothered the most was people telling the rest of us that we needed to “respect” him now as our president elect. I disagreed and so did many others.

For one, no I don’t have to because I hold the right to my own speech and opinion of someone. Second, I think you need to respect the rest us of us for being terrified of what has happened and allow us to mourn. Don’t tell us “just get over it,” “the sun will rise tomorrow,” and “what can happen within four years?” Let us mourn. We would have allowed you to, so hush for now. K? Oh, by the way, I don’t know about the rest of the country, but when I woke up that Wednesday morning it was dreary and rainy, so no the sun didn’t really “rise.” And yes I know, the proverbial sun will rise again, but hey, let me bit melodramatic here, it lightens the mood some.

I digress though. This is supposed to be the tale of how I survived this day. Or at least tried to. So like any other day I got ready, walked into class, participated, and went on with my Wednesday like I normally do. But as the musical Hamilton quotes, “it is quiet uptown.” When I got to campus that day, it was quiet, empty, and full of solemn students. We were hurting together, despite the fact that there are some students who voted for that man. I took some solace in it, but I’m not naïve, I knew that there had to be someone(s) on campus who were being hateful to others for their decisions. I don’t approve of the hate or condone it, it does need to stop and so does the passive bull. But I also won’t swallow the fact that I need to get over it because that won’t happen. And if I’m wrong in four years, so be it, make me eat my words but have some tact if that time comes.

Again, I digress.

I survived the day by listening to music, tutoring people, and doing homework. Never had I been so happy to have the distraction of homework in my life. I wrote 20 sentences in French, I’m pretty proud of myself for that accomplishment. And after I finished tutoring and homework, I spent my next hour in traffic. Listening to music and crying yet again. Mostly because I was inconvenienced, but also because I wanted to be home away from people so I could continue to think about the state of our country. Believe me, I am quite worried about the state of change we have put ourselves in. Again, if this is some cosmic joke he has set us up in, let me eat my words in peace.

And during the time of the events of the day, I talked to my friends and seeing how my Odyssey community was handling the results. It was nice to be a part of a group of people that wanted to lift each other up and inspire one another to fight in peace and love no matter how we felt. I had even gone out for a family dinner and TV marathon to fine solidarity of comfort and to be able to lick my wounds in peach. The people I was able to be blessed that day to be surrounded by was truly amazing; something I will more than likely never forget.

And then the next day, I woke up for my Thursday routine and I rolled over to look at the same sticky note that I wake up to every day.

Four simple words that I have heard all my life but never held any meaning to me until I heard them from one of my favorite singers/band. I remembered that they came from a little video of the making of their recent album and I had been in a major slump-emotionally and creatively. But when I heard him say those words about when you want to create something and make it big, then just swing for the fences. They turned me around. They got my creative juices flowing. They made me feel whole again. So when I woke up on Nov. 10, I felt these things all over again. I’m an aspiring writer, in a world that has seemed to turn upside, and I want to make something of myself and my work.

I became passionate to go out and create again. To show the world how to thrive through this time of despair and confusion. To show the world how we can strive with not passive action, but with passionate action. To stand together in any peaceful and loving form so that we can fight against what we don’t like. No it won’t be easy, but it will be a value worth striving for. Sounds hippy-esque? Maybe, but it is relevant and that’s exactly what value and art is.

You may not like these words and you may not agree with me, and that’s okay. And if there is anything you remember from reading this I hope that it is this: “The only ideas we actually live are of any value.” Demian- Herman Hesse.