Most of us know the all too tempting voice of gossip, sucking you in until you're spreading information that may or may not be true. Something exciting happens, and you spread the information you heard.
Is it true? You don't care.
It's exciting, it's new. That girl you're talking about, she deserves it. I mean did you hear what she did?
Until it happens to you.
Until the whispers are behind your own back, you don't understand the impact gossip can have. Until the judgemental stares are directed towards you, you don't understand how much weight talking behind someone's back can put on them.
Those old and wise sayings like, "Talking behind your back only means they're behind you," give a false flicker of control on the situation, but it dissipates quickly. The fact is, knowing people are talking about you hurts. A lot. It makes you question every single action a person does. It makes you not trust your friends, and makes you feel completely lonely.
Why didn't they say hi to me? Are they ignoring me? Is it because of what happened?
Imagine being on that side of the equation. Girls who have been there - I know all too well the impact this can have on your self-esteem.
Until you've been the target of the "hot gossip" you don't realize how much your "harmless gossip" can burden a person. You think that your gossiping words are as small as a pebble. That small pebble won't cause much of a ripple, right? However, when everyone adds a pebble, the weight is much heavier.
If it's not your story to tell, don't tell it.
Chances are, you don't know her side of the story. You haven't talked it over with her. All you know is what you heard.
It's like that game of telephone that we played as kids, but the screwed up twisted adult version. Do you remember playing that game? Oftentimes, the people in the group didn't always have the best of intentions and skewed the message to be something it wasn't, to begin with. Even when everyone tried to keep it right, it always somehow ended up a little wrong. That's what you're doing when you spread gossip.
So I challenge you: talk to her, not about her.
This is the challenge I give every single person who is the next ear in the gossip in the game of telephone. If you hear the news, go to the girl it's about. Talk to her about it. Chances are, her story is a lot different than the one you heard, and chances are, she wants her side of the story to be heard.
Then be done with it. The only time you should come across that gossip again is when you tell the next person to go talk to her, not about her.
It's that easy.
Before you tell someone something that isn't about you, ask yourself these 3 questions.
1. Is it out of kindness?
2. Is it true?
3. Is it necessary?
If what you're about to say doesn't fit all of those criteria, (FYI, it rarely does) keep it to yourself. Give everyone the same respect that you would like to be treated with. You don't have to participate in the rumor. Instead, go talk to her, not about her.
She will appreciate it more than you know.
