Let's get straight to the point: social media has ruined my life in more ways than one. It has made me feel worthless, hopeless, ugly, obsolete, left out, forgotten, unimportant, boring, fat, friendless and the list continues on. Yet, it's a part of my everyday life. I check my apps just like everyone else — when I'm bored, when I'm waiting for class to start when I'm waiting for an appointment, before I go to bed, when I wake up, and so on. It's an addiction and, at this point, it's detrimental to my mental and emotional well-being.

Instagram is the app that hurts me the most. Many people edit the realness out of their pictures to make them look better, strategically altering the strength of the filter, the contrast, the lighting, everything, to make it seem like the picture wasn't edited at all even though it very much was. It's a constant competition to see how many "likes" you can get and many new followers you can rack up. I've personally deleted countless pictures for not getting enough likes. It's embarrassing to have a picture with so few likes, but it's also embarrassing to admit this ridiculous thinking out loud. I have seen people post a picture at 1 in the afternoon, only to delete it and re-post it again just hours later in order to get more likes. I know people who follow hundreds of random strangers (and then unfollow once they are followed) in order to obtain more followers, therefore leading to more likes. We are fixated on being "liked." But, why are we so obsessed with getting likes?

Because likes imply how well-liked you are, how pretty you are, how fun you are, how many people are jealous of you and the life you portray on social media. Right? I honestly don't know anymore.

Also, I say "portray" because it seems that's what 95 percent of social media is: people twisting the reality of their lives into strategically edited and cleverly captioned posts to make their lives seem more fun and interesting than they actually are. And I fall for it every time. This is how it hurts me.

When someone posts a picture, I don't judge them, I judge myself. I compare myself to them and always find things wrong with me each and every time. I look at their likes, usually 70+, and wonder how in the hell they have that many. If I get 50, I feel famous. If I get less than 50, I feel ugly and unliked. It's a constant competition for me and it has carried into my real life. Not only do I compare my unedited self to their edited self, but I compare my looks, personality, successes, strengths, and weaknesses with every other girl I come in contact with. It has been a subconscious habit that has eaten me up inside.

Am I as funny as her? Am I as pretty as her? Am I as smart as her? Do others like me as much as they like her? I always find that the answer is no. Always. I'm not sure what the real answer is, but for me, it's always no. I feel inferior to everyone in some way and I let it consume me. I hold back from talking or getting involved because I'm too worried about what people will think of me and how it will affect their judgement of me. I feel as though I never get as many "likes" in real life as someone else. These "likes" have worked their way out of my phone and into my real life. It's something I do instantly upon being around people and I do it habitually. We all have a poison we can't resist, no matter how hard we try — and mine is comparing myself to others.

And all of this traces back to social media. At almost 22 years old, I have never disliked myself more than I do now. I am insecure in such a way that it holds me back from my life and it stops me from showing people who I truly am.

I have been upset endless times because I hate the way I look, my personality, and who I am as a person. This is because of the constant comparing I've put myself through. If you feel like this or have ever felt like this, just know you are not alone and you are not crazy. Like I said, this all reverts back to social media. The constant tweets, Instas and Facebook statuses. Everything. It's right at our fingertips. We can see who is doing what, with who, and where. We can see people having what seems to be the time of their life while we are sitting at home on our couch, slowly getting lonelier by the minute. Or maybe that's just me. Social media makes you feel like you are missing out. Even though its main purpose is to bring people together, social media has only made me feel more isolated. Being incessantly "connected" is not a good thing. And it's not really a connection; it's a divide from reality. The real reality: What is happening right in front of you, not what is happening on your phone. Social media has consumed us so much that we forget to actually have as much fun as the pictures show.

Here's the thing about likes: yes, it feels good to get them. Yes, it feels crappy when you post a picture you love and get no love in return. But, they do not determine your worth, your likeness, nor your beauty. I know this, yet I still get chewed up by it. I have become own my worst enemy because of these frivolous likes. Am I less pretty because I get less "likes" than someone else? Is someone who gets 100 plus likes prettier than someone who gets 30? Am I less fun if I get less likes than someone else? Am I actually having "fun" if I don't post a picture of it? No, no, no, no. Most definitely not true.

"Likes" are not happiness. Yes, they will make you feel good but that happiness won't last long before you're off seeking more approval. And, that's what social media has turned us into: A society that seeks the approval of everyone else. A society that thrives on others thinking they're attractive in every way. A society that is so engrossed with likes and feeling accepted.

I have a hard time finding one thing I like about myself on most days and social media is a large part of that, always making me feel inferior. And, sure, some of you are probably saying I'm weak or emotional or a whiny little bitch. Fine, whatever. You can't tell me anything I haven't already told myself. We all have something that makes us weak, that makes us question ourselves, our reality and our worth — social media is mine. It's time I stop letting likes determine my worth, my attractiveness, and my likability. It's time I stop comparing myself to overly edited pictures of others. My face, my body, my smile, it's all mine and I need to love it because there's no other like it. I'm not quite sure how to love myself yet, but I will figure it out and social media will not be a part of it any longer.

The only "like" I need is from myself.