I remember a lot of weirdly particular things about high school, but one of them was me using the word "Feminazi." One of my classmates was talking about one of the teachers just hated boys, and therefore was a feminist. I did not understand what feminism was nor did I care at that time, so I used the word a few times and forgot about it. Later on, I would learn that misandry was the word they were looking for, not feminism.

It probably was not until the summer before college started that I finally looked up the definition of feminism. I had noticed some celebrities describing themselves as feminists and others shying away from the word itself.

Feminism: noun: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities

Did I agree that men and women should be treated equally? Yeah. So, that would make me a feminist, right? For some reason, I was not ready to accept that label. A friend explained to me that feminism was about advancing women's rights so they could be treated as equal as men. I guess that made sense to me. It was obvious that women's rights are limited in so many ways throughout the world. There is a stigma in some people's hearts if women go into STEM areas, if women do not think about marriage and kids ahead of their professional dreams, if women choose to go through abortion, etc. That much was obvious. As a high school student, I had noticed those conversations occurring around me.

This forced me to think of other ways in which women were not treated as equal. For example, why was a woman shamed if she was sexually active, but if a man did it, he was a player? Why did some people use the phrase "You're such a girl" as a way to shame others? Why were women considered "wife material" if they could do domestic duties? Why was it okay for people to make sexual passes at women in the workplace and have it not be considered sexual harassment? If someone was afraid of doing something, why were they considered to be a "pussy"? Why did people tell you to "man up" or "have balls"? Why is the word "bitch" thrown around so casually?

Here's the basic fact: my pussy can push out a human baby, and balls can be traumatized easily, so wouldn't you want to be called a "pussy"? I started noticing at all the little things that men around me would say, things that I did not realize were misogynistic or sexist before. Hell, yeah, I was a feminist.

But, then I started noticing something. It wasn't just men unintentionally or intentionally doing all of this; women were too. Some girls would go around shaming their friends for sleeping around, some would shame each other based on how much makeup they wore, the fact that if a boy cheated on his girl, she would be mad at the other girl and not at him...she was a "hoe."

And, then the biggest lightbulb hit me. I realized that men had some disadvantages as well. If being a woman was considered weak and made obvious by the language used (i.e. "Don't be a girl" or "Don't be a pussy"), then this was used as an insult to shame men. For example, if a guy cried, he was shamed for "being girly" - in fact, most guys are taught to hide their emotions and always appear strong. They are expected to be physically strong and those who look smaller or more timid are considered "weak" automatically. If a guy was afraid of doing something, he was "a pussy."

As I grew annoyed with both men and women describing how being part of being a good wife was being able to engage in domestic duties or doing anything to keep their men happy, I started noticing the financial responsibility placed upon guys, something they are reminded of from a young age. If girls are told from a young age that they should marry rich and have a Prince Charming to rescue them, it's an insult to boys and girls. You are telling girls to just gold-dig instead of encouraging them to work hard and providing them the adequate emotional support and educational opportunities for doing so. You are telling boys that they are automatically expected to be rich, that they have to step up and take charge of the family, that it's an insult to their manhood if their wife earns more than them.

You are telling girls it's okay to cry, but attributing any emotion shown to the fact that they are women or that they are on their period or they are feeling hormonal. You're telling boys to just suck it up and not to girly when it comes to showing emotions.

Over time, you are teaching both young boys and girls that they are different because of certain behaviors that have been gendered by the ideals of people from centuries ago. Is showing emotion or crying just a girl thing? No. It's a damn human thing. Emotion. Is. Not. Gendered. Naturally. Is professional success just a boy thing? No. It's a damn human thing. There are no such things as "women" jobs or "men" jobs...all of that was assigned by the same people rotting away beneath us right now but perpetuated by actual adults around us. Do men have to pay at every date? No. Do women have to pay at every date to prove they are successful and don't need a man? No. Is paying at a restaurant a girl or boy thing? No. It's a damn human thing. Having a penis does not mean you should be expected to bankrupt yourself for the sake of romance. Just switch who pays between dates or split in half. Or, if someone wants to pay all the time and the other person is okay with that, then go for it.

The point is, feminism has to do with our choices. Our choices should not be limited by what our gender is. If a woman chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, she should not be shamed for not having higher professional aspirations; it was HER choice. If a man chooses to cry in front of his friends, he should not be shamed; it was HIS choice. We can't judge each other's choices based on how we think each gender is supposed to act.

As we try to increase women's rights to equal men's, we are not trying to lower men's. Their rights will remain. In fact, what we will notice is that sometimes men are expected be a certain way or act a certain way too just because they ended up with a penis. That is why it is so important to bring men to the table and to the conversation itself; we can help each other learn what negative stereotypes we have of each other solely based on each other's gender. We can think about how society around us has tried to turn us against each other almost. Above all, we can realize that our thought is not too late to change.

Eventually, I realized that people of the LGBTQ community were being left out of the convo. If I was fighting for men and women, was I fighting for trans women and trans men too? Why were some gay people viewed as "less of their gender"? What is someone doesn't identify as a particular gender? At some point in my 20 years of existence, I realized that feminism is for everybody because everyone has a right to choice and no one, regardless of their gender, sex, sexual identity, race, etc, deserves to have their rights limited...based on what a few now-hundred-year-old people thought.

They are dead; their thoughts can die too. It's up to our generation to teach those older and younger than us.