It's that time of the year again, folks. It's the season when skeletons rise from their graves to be sp00ky. When white people flock to the streets in a scene of Ugg boots and plaid, complemented by a heretical amount of pumpkin-spice bull crap. More importantly, it's the best time of the year to carry out a revenge grudge. Rival families spill each other's blood all of the time, certainly, but it's only during the season of All Hallows Eve that the pursuit of vengeance against the circles of power that have wronged you really takes a dramatic effect. Whether a member of your family clan has been murdered, an ancient heirloom desecrated, or your personal honor is questioned, there are a galore of reasons to embark on a quest for bloody redemption. Here I'll be giving you a few pointers to insure that your vengeance has the most dramatic effect possible. So sit back and relax, kiddos, it's time to have some fun with revenge!
1. Have a dark and edgy monologue prepared
Congratulations! Something terrible just happened to you and your family, and now you want revenge! This step is an absolute must to begin your pursuit for violent justice. In order to begin, you need to deliver a personal monologue that swears you to the cause of revenge, especially of this is the case with the death of a loved one. To do this, your head should be bent at a slight angle towards the ground, ideally with your eyes covered by a dark cloak or hat. Ideally, your fists should be kept in a tight grip, with your arms planted firmly by your side. Key locations to deliver this badass monologue include standing above a family member's grave, a loved one's recently slain corpse, or possibly the burnt-down ancestral home of your family's clan. In the case of a deceased loved one, the speech should include phrases like "You were always better than me," "I'll find whoever did this," and especially "It should have been me." At this point it is appropriate to lay down a crimson-red bouquet of flowers before dedicating yourself to an obsessive pursuit for revenge.
2. Suit up
You can't begin your quest for vendetta looking like a Catholic schoolboy, now can you? (Well, unless you're an anime fan, but for now I'm assuming you're normal). A properly armored and ostentatiously fashionable outfit will inspire fear into the hearts of your enemies while making you look like a total badass. Longcoats work extremely well, they have a practicality that capes don't, and can really enhance the experience when drawing any tools or gadgets needed. Another reason longcoats are good, following the rules of TV Tropes, is that anything that flutters behind you has an extremely dramatic effect on your presence. If you go this route, make sure to follow it up with a pair of shades, or even a mask, something casual but makes people wonder "Why the hell is he wearing a mask for in this weather. He must be really cool." Additionally, you'll want any number of holsters and weapon slots in almost every crevice of the outfit, as you'll have an obscene amount of weaponry to back you up. For an even more dramatic effect, don't use guns. A personal code always helps to deepen your struggle for justice.
3. Rough 'em up
Now's the part that you've been waiting for...the part where you can actually go out and put your badassery to the test! Maybe you've discovered a suspicious note next to the body of your loved one, or stumbled upon a symbol of an ancient sinister cult that you thought died out ages ago. Now begins the time to follow up on your vendetta by finding answers. You'll probably have to take to the streets of your local "dying, crime-ridden city" and fight the henchmen that work for the party that has wronged you. There's multiple ways you can go about this: many prefer the direct approach, taking on massive groups of multiple henchmen, often winding up surrounded by a big circle of baddies. Usually, they'll hang around in plain sight in front of their base of operations, making quips with each other and talking shit on the boss until one of the higher-up henchmen walk by to remind them of their place. Once these lower henchmen see you, they'll usually make the mistake of talking to you before beginning the fight, taunting with phrases such as "There's all of us, and only one you." At this moment, you can open up your coat to reveal an arsenal of weapons and gadgets, this usually results in a humorous "Well shit," before you unleash hell upon your foes. Other vendetta-seekers may prefer a more...subtle approach, making use of such cliches as "sticking to the shadows," using stealth, picking off foes one-by-one, before finally finding the makeshift leader of the group of henchmen. No matter which approach you choose, make sure to leave once baddie alive to question after the fight. The best way to do this is to viciously grab them by the collar from the ground and pin them against a flat surface, usually the wall of an alleyway.
4. I want answers, dammit!
Well done! You've defeated a small army of baddies who, in all honesty, were likely just trying to make a living and did not contribute in any way to the event that brought you harm, but who cares about that! Now you've got to get answers from the one guy that you left relatively intact. This part may seem hard, the guy will likely have a little sliver of loyalty left within his broken bones, but with enough practice and patience, this should be no problem. The most obvious approach is to just beat up the poor soul until he spills the beans, but I find it's just as effective to make him question his loyalties to the "big bad," this can be done by saying something like "You think your boss cares about you? He'll betray you in a minute!" Once you have the information you need, dispose of the goon however you see fit. More sympathetic avengers will leave an anonymous tip to the police, while a more sinister vendetta-seeker may ship him off to Disney to star in a Christmas movie with Tim Allen.
5. The Final Showdown
This is it. You've got all the information you need, you tracked the bad guy down to his main headquarters. You expertly maneuver past, or slay all of, his final henchmen and proceed to the top floor of his fortress, which is the universally-known floor for where the main villain hides out. You get there and he's...your father? This isn't always the case, but be prepared for some sort of twist. You see, the person you've been after this whole time is human, too. He's got his reasons for doing that thing to your family that drove you to revenge, even if you don't agree with them. Before the fight, be prepared to hear a speech on how "you and I are not so different, you know?" This is crap. Don't listen to him. Be prepared for a really long fight with this guy: chances are he's got years of experience on you in terms of intellect, strategy, and combat experience. He'll wind up putting you in a corner, or on the ground, and he will be ready to end your life. This is where you reveal a secret weapon from under your sick longcoat, or show him the missing clip of ammo from his gun as he goes to pull the trigger on you. Then, after you whoop his surprised ass, you've got him! Approach him slowly and delicately, you're gonna want to hear his last words. They may be regretful, but more often than not, he'll try to convince you that, by defeating him, you have now "become him," usually with some line like "you are no better than I am." Do NOT listen to these words, your foe is carrying out a very dangerous mind game to trap you. After you finish him, congratulations! You've probably just triggered somebody else to embark on their own vendetta against you! Role-reversal time, shall we?
