If you are someone who knows me on a personal level, I doubt that “confident” would be the first word you would pick to describe me. For the most part, any traces of confidence in me seem to be masked by my shyness, my tendencies to worry, and my overthinking. These listed traits are an integral part of who I am; whether I like it or not, they have made up the person I am today and they have even been beneficial to me from time to time. However, my lack of confidence has been frequently presenting itself whenever I think about traversing through college or whatever lies beyond. I always wonder how exactly I am going to make it in the real world if I am not confident in myself and my abilities. While this kind of mindset has always tended to spur negative thoughts, I have recently decided that I want to counter these fears and doubts with a more positive, confident mindset to benefit me and others around me.

Confidence is difficult to achieve, and it certainly will not appear overnight for me. However, I think that if I make gradual, minute changes, I will eventually be able to look back at my progress with pride. One area that I really desire to be more confident in is my relationships with people. As someone who has anxiety, I tend to initially view my actions and situations in a negative light, which in turn causes me to berate myself. For example, if I contact a person who I would like to get to know better and they do not answer, my mind immediately jumps to the conclusion that I am an inconvenience to them and that they are talking about me behind my back. While this pattern of thinking may seem irrational to some, it is debilitating and very real to me. It has stopped me from pursuing a lot of relationships in high school and college, which only fuels my lack of confidence. I am hoping that by counteracting all of these negative thoughts with positive ones and complimenting myself from time to time, I can eventually become comfortable enough in my own skin not to second-guess where I stand in any relationship.

While I can feel all of these insecurities around my closest friends, I can also sense them if I see people that I barely even know on social media. If I mindlessly scroll through Instagram or Facebook for twenty minutes, I am likely to come across amazing people doing amazing things, such as working at their dream internship, having the confidence to post selfies, or celebrating an anniversary. I always do feel happy that these people have achieved their goals and announced it to their following, but the happiness also mingles with more internal doubt as I belittle the few things I believe I have to show for myself. I always convince myself that I am not working hard enough, and I constantly question what impact I will leave on those around me, if I even make one at all. I also would love for each of my social media platforms to be more of a place of positivity, but I believe that no one will benefit from it or that people will even make fun of me. Taking a brief break from social media could help me assuage the first few fears because I will be able to do more productive things and I will not be surrounded by successes that cause me to feel bad about myself. However, social media can also be a place of empowerment, and I should not deny myself the chance to showcase anything that I am proud of. I hope that one day, I will be confident enough to accept that my worth is not determined by the number of likes or comments that I get, and that I have the ability to make a positive difference in someone’s life, no matter how small that impact is.

A lack of confidence has prevented me from doing a multitude of things; I rarely believe compliments, but I always take criticism too personally. It makes me apprehensive for my future and causes me to downplay any accomplishments I may have. While these changes may seem almost irreversible, I have faith that even the smallest steps will eventually lead me to where I need to go to finally accept and even love myself. I am excited to see what the future holds, and while it is definitely mixed with my usual nerves, writing this article has made me more cognizant of the irrational thoughts I think and how to remedy them. As Maria von Trapp sang in the iconic

The Sound of Music, “I have confidence in confidence alone. Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me!”