Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Relationships

How to Pick Up Chicks in 10 Easy Steps

An insider's look at what girls really want

Alix Johanna Stanley

Sep 26, 2016

Wayne State College

270

https://i.ytimg.com/v

This article is mainly for the new freshmen who are utterly baffled by the mysterious and sometimes intimidating college girls. So here, my younglings, are some helpful tips so you don't have to go through college looking like a fool.

1. Talk to her boobs

Doesn't matter her eye color or the fact that she hasn't shown any indication that she wants you to come talk to her. If she's got a shirt on that doesn't cover her collarbones, she wants you to come talk to her and you'll really impress her if you only talk to her tits and show her that you appreciate her 'assets.'

*cringe*

2. Follow her around

Doesn't matter if you're going into the GAG or at a party, follow her around. Show her that you care and that you want to be near her.

3. Definitely message her on social media

Don't ask for her phone number in person! Go on Facebook or Instagram and find her and then like a couple of her really old pictures. Maybe put comment little emoji's (hint hint, the eggplant is really flattering if you know what I mean). Then, message her with a great opening line like "I can't stop thinking about that tight top you wore today." She'll really appreciate your comments on her clothing, and your opinion of how she looks in it.

4. Don't give up!

Playing hard to get is just her way of seeing how interested you really are. Don't stalk, but don't be afraid to stare at her for a few minutes from across the classroom!

5. Cologne

Nothing says "virile-college-male" like a whole bucket load of cologne. This is your way of advertising yourself! Make sure she can smell you long before she sees you so she can prepare herself for all of your stunning glory!

6. Invade her personal space

Sit really close next to her at lunch and when you got to talk to her put your face really close to hers.

7. Ignore the headphones

If a girl has her headphones in, it's all an act to find the aggressive, confident males that aren't going to stop a little thing like headphones stop them from invading her personal space and starting a conversation.

8. Mansplaining

You already do it naturally, but ramp it up a little. In class, if she asks a question like "why is it always so cold in here?" this is the perfect opportunity to show that you know how AC works and she will be totally turned on by you treating her like an idiot.

9. Be possessive

Text her and ask her why she hasn't replied to your message. Make sure you comment on her clothing every day you see her (see number 3). Definitely glare at any other males that dare to even glance at her.

10. The golden rule: Comment on her weight

You can always win with this one. If she's wearing a hoodie, go with "that makes you look a lot skinnier than a tank top" or, if she's working out, "I've got a great program that'll help you lose that extra fifteen pounds." Can't lose.

I can almost guarantee that if you follow these 10 steps you will have no problem ever finding someone to have sex with ever again. Because you will probably be castrated or in jail. You want to know how to pick up a girl? Go say hi. Introduce yourself. Ask for her notes. Most of us are really nice. We don't bite. At least not in pubilc.

Report this Content

This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Student Life

The 12 Stages Of Course Registration, As Told By "Friends"

No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

The State University of New York at Stony Brook

3075

YouTube

As college students, we are all familiar with the horror show that is course registration week. Whether you are an incoming freshman or selecting classes for your last semester, I am certain that you can relate to how traumatic this can be.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

Bonus points if it is more than two.

Keep Reading...Show less

registration

Featured

Economic Benefits of Higher Wages

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

Florida International University

301449

Illistrated image of people crowded with banners to support a cause

StableDiffusion

Raising the minimum wage to a livable wage would not only benefit workers and their families, it would also have positive impacts on the economy and society. Studies have shown that by increasing the minimum wage, poverty and inequality can be reduced by enabling workers to meet their basic needs and reducing income disparities.

I come from a low-income family. A family, like many others in the United States, which has lived paycheck to paycheck. My family and other families in my community have been trying to make ends meet by living on the minimum wage. We are proof that it doesn't work.

Keep Reading...Show less

Entertainment

13 Times April Ludgate Perfectly Explained College

Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

Indiana University - Purdue University Indianapolis

1279

Every college student knows and understands the struggle of forcing themselves to continue to care about school. Between the piles of homework, the hours of studying and the painfully long lectures, the desire to dropout is something that is constantly weighing on each and every one of us, but the glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel helps to keep us motivated. While we are somehow managing to stay enrolled and (semi) alert, that does not mean that our inner-demons aren't telling us otherwise, and who is better to explain inner-demons than the beloved April Ludgate herself? Because of her dark-spirit and lack of filter, April has successfully been able to describe the emotional roller-coaster that is college on at least 13 different occasions and here they are.

Keep Reading...Show less

april ludgate

Adulting

Being A Senior: The Best And Worst Of It

Graduation is coming.

Loyola University Chicago

705

For many undergraduates across the nation, the home stretch has begun. Only one more semester remains in our undergraduate career. Oh, the places we will go! For the majority of college seniors, this is simultaneously the best and worst year out of the past four and here’s why.

1. The classes you are taking are actually difficult.

A schedule full of easy pottery throwing and film courses is merely a myth on the average campus. With all of those prerequisites for the upper-level courses and the never-ending battle you fight each year during registration for limited class seats, senior year brings with it the ability to register for the final courses you need to fulfill your major. Yet, these are not the easy entry level courses. These are the comprehensive, end of major, capstone courses designed to apply the knowledge from all your previous courses, usually in the form of an extensive research paper or engaged learning project. The upside is you actually probably really enjoy these classes but alas there is no room for slackers here.

Keep Reading...Show less

college seniors

Recommended for you

How to Pick Up Chicks in 10 Easy Steps

An insider's look at what girls really want

1. Talk to her boobs

2. Follow her around

3. Definitely message her on social media

4. Don't give up!

5. Cologne

6. Invade her personal space

7. Ignore the headphones

8. Mansplaining

9. Be possessive

10. The golden rule: Comment on her weight

Subscribe to our Newsletter

No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

Told through Parks & Recreation GIFs

Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

Graduation is coming.

1. The classes you are taking are actually difficult.

2. You probably have a fancy internship somewhere.

3. You and your pals are all of a legal age to drink (even the late bloomers).

4. The future... what is that?

5. Apply, interview, rejection, repeat.

Trending Topics

Top Creators

Trending Stories

Best of Relationships

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments

Subscribe to our
Newsletter