When I was about 12 years old I remember looking through my friend's J-14 and Seventeen magazines, reading all about the lives of celebrities that I thought had it all together. I wanted to be like them. The next time I went to the grocery store I bought my own copies of these magazines, and I continued to purchase these magazines for a few years after that. I loved the idea of being famous, of feeling pretty, and being on the cover of magazines.

Anytime I saw a beautiful woman on the cover of a magazine, I always wondered what it would take to get me to look like that. I knew what Photoshop was, but I never really believed that these women were altered in their photos to eliminate any imperfections. This was when the danger started. I began comparing my body to theirs, and wondering why I had blemishes on my face but theirs were pore-less. Hence came many moments, (hours even) of me staring at myself in the mirror, trying to find every little thing that I hated about myself and doing anything I could to perfect it. It was a borderline obsession even, and I was never happy with my own looks since I was looking for inspiration from magazine covers and famous models.

As anyone could assume, insecurities surfaced, and to top everything off I had acne. I used to never be able to leave my house without putting makeup on to cover it up, even when I was really young and it was not even that bad yet. Those women on the magazine covers didn't have acne, so of course in my young mind I thought I couldn't either, because that's not "attractive." I became my own bully. No one else was as unloving to me than I was to myself. I would get frustrated over why I was so unhappy with myself.

My self-esteem had hit an all-time low and it was affecting my friendships and relationship with my family because I was never happy with myself. I did not have a dramatic, sudden change of heart that made me cut this all out cold turkey, it happened over a long period of time after observing both the way our culture in general objectifies women and seeing how insecure women have given in to darkness in their lives. I did not want to live in the darkness anymore. It has taken a few years now, but I had to drastically change how I viewed my own life in general.

I stopped being my own worst enemy

I have a tendency to get super hard on myself when things don't go right or if I make a mistake. This is a recipe for disaster. Not only would I beat myself over something that did not go right but it only brought me down more and more. I thought getting hard on myself would challenge me to do better, but it only brought more anxiety and frustration. If things go wrong for me now, I take a moment to just relax my mind and tell myself that everything is going to be fine. I say a prayer asking for God's help because I know He will always help me. This verse I found really struck home for me and helped bring me peace, my hope is that it does the same for you:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-34)

I stopped comparing myself to others

I compared myself to celebrities, my friends, people I had just met, and people I didn't even know. This was the absolute hardest thing for me to do and it is still something I struggle with today because I think as women especially we can compare ourselves to others so easily that sometimes we don't even notice we're doing it. This was hands down the number one habit I had to break that brought most of my low self-esteem. There is no reason to hold yourself to a certain standard. It was unrealistic for me to compare myself to celebrities, because they have things that I don't have, like professional hairstylists and makeup artists, etc. Instead of looking at the things I don't have, I remind myself that they are given certain things for a reason, but I am given other things for a different reason. God blesses us all with everything we need and if we ignore what has been given to us we won't see the fruit that has been brought from it. I started being more thankful for the things God has given me.

I reminded myself that no material thing will bring me pure happiness

While I was experiencing an all-time low with my self-esteem I tried to drown it out with shopping. I spent so much money on clothes, shoes, and makeup thinking that it would all solve my problems. Not that shopping is wrong, and by all means I still love fashion, but it will not heal any personal wounds for you. I know my drawers and closet that are packed full of clothes can assure you of that. Materials are fleeting, but God's love endures forever.

I started thinking more positively and living my life with joy knowing that I have been blessed. Obviously I am still human and do still have some insecurities, but the way I handle them now is a lot better than I used to. I learned that life is too short to live unhappy and unsatisfied, but with a lot of prayer I have been able to overcome my insecurities and start living my life fully.

"The wisdom of the poor lifts their head high and sets them among princes. Do not praise anyone for good looks; or despise anyone because of appearance. The bee is least among winged creatures, but it reaps the choicest of harvests. Do not mock the one who wears only a loin-cloth, or scoff at a person's bitter day. For strange are the deeds of the Lord, hidden from mortals his work. Many are the oppressed who rise to the throne; some that none would consider wear a crown. Many are the exalted who fall into utter disgrace, many the honored who are given into the power of the few." (Sirach 11:1-6)