You’re probably thinking, "depression"? Doesn’t everybody get that at some point in their life?
Yes, a lot of people experience it. If you haven’t experienced it firsthand, I’m sure someone you love has struggled with it. If you have never, ever experienced it, let me tell you how it feels. It feels like you’re in a hole. A really deep hole and no matter how many times you try and escape, you can’t. You’re stuck, yelling and screaming for someone to help you, but nobody can hear you. Eventually you get tired of trying so you just stop and shut down.
It’s a terrible feeling to have and it affects a lot of people, but I am here to tell you not to give up. Yeah, that’s right. Life may suck right now or in the future but I am begging you to never give up. Here’s why: my first year of college, I struggled with depression and still do. I didn’t like myself, I didn’t have any friends, and I wasn’t in the best living situation. I kind of locked myself in my room and did homework and slept. Once I moved rooms, I had awesome suitemates but I still wasn’t genuinely happy. I stopped eating, once again started removing myself from social situations, and also discovered how great alcohol made me feel. I was a wreck.
One night, I had too much to drink, found a razor, and cut my arms. They weren’t deep, but it was still considered self-harm. I was taken to the hospital where I was evaluated by a psychologist. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. After that situation, I had kind of hoped things would get better but they didn't. Did I think about suicide? Well, yes, but I could never actually follow through with it. I had too much to lose. It wasn’t worth it, but yet, I still felt so unhappy. I went to see a counselor at school where I took a depression screening. My results? "Severe Depression" -- but I didn’t let that define me.
To this day, I still struggle but it is not nearly as bad as it used to be. When it flares up, I often find myself extremely tired and fatigued. I don't really want to be around people, and I usually am pretty grumpy. That doesn't stop me though. This upcoming school year, I am going to be a senior studying psychology. I will also be a Community Advisor otherwise known as a Residents Assistant. I will be the Vice President of the Campus Activities Board on my campus, as well as the secretary of the Senior Class. I’m doing all of this while taking a full course load, and hopefully getting a work study job. Of course it is a lot of work but it keeps me busy and gives me purpose. Aside from my involvement, I also have my incredible friends and family who have shown nothing but love and support through the last three years.
So, yes, depression sucks and it comes along with a lot of baggage. You may find yourself contemplating ending your life because the world seems dark, but don’t. Trust me. There’s so much to live for. Find a hobby, get involved, do something. I promise you that you are special and have purpose. Life’s too short to self-harm and remove yourself from everything. You may not believe me now, but I promise you; someday, you will be happy and get out of that hole and see the sun and blue skies. Just don’t give up because you have the power to change your life and show everyone how strong you truly are.
