How Not To Get A Second Date | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

How Not To Get A Second Date

All of these tips and tricks are foolproof.

Delly Chollet
Nov 21, 2016
Fairfield University
8
How Not To Get A Second Date
Intoxinated

Things can get weird on the first date, but if it's going well, definitely follow my guidelines on how not to get a second date.

1. If you're late, definitely say, "Sorry, my mom wanted to take a picture of me in my suit." That implies that you're a momma's boy and also the fact that you live with your mom. Honestly, just keep bringing up your parents. At that point, it's guaranteed that you won't get a second date.

2. Brag about how you just got promoted to store manager at Stop & Shop. Don't forget to tell us also how you can support us financially. We will not be calling you back.

3. Tell us about all of the weird and probably gross things that you did as a child. Really, please! Don't forget about that story where your cousins dared you to sit in a pile of fire ants butt naked and you did. Just keep talking, don't let us get one word out. There's a 100 percent chance that no second date is even wanted.

4. Take an hour to decide what to get for dinner. "I'll have the Penne a la Vodka ... wait actually the Chicken Alfredo ... wait actually, I need a few minutes." That will show us that you're not good at making any choices! It's also probably why you're wearing two different socks and flood pants.

5. If you already know that you don't want a second date while getting ready, wear all of the flashy things that you own. Definitely wear that giant Hermes belt and tuck your shirt in as far as it goes so that everyone can know that you belong in a tool belt. Also, totally wear those diamond cufflinks even though we're going on a totally casual date.

6. Make sure that you pour the whole bottle of cologne on your body. Literally everywhere. There's nothing more appealing than getting a whiff of Armani every time I put my fork in my mouth! This is a great idea.

7. My last tip of how not to get a second date is to make sure that you drink a cup of coffee right before, then lean in seductively. Except it totally won't be sexy because you'll smell like you haven't slept in 12 days and you're trying to make it up with an absurd amount of caffeine. That'll totally guarantee you won't be getting any soon.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

If Disney Princesses Went To Benedictine College

They would fit right in

Benedictine College
506
Disney Princesses
The Odyssey
Tiana would no doubt be disappointed in the food our cafeteria has to offer.

And hopefully she would cook for everyone in her dorm.

She definitley would not take any 8:00 am classes because she would be up late baking and cleaning up the communal kitchen that are available in every dorm.

Keep Reading...Show less
disney princesses
Adulting

The Struggles of Being A Last Semester Senior, As Told By Michael Scott

25 reasons your last semester in college is the best and worst time of your life

Truman State University
1153
Michael Scott

The day you walked onto your school's campus for the first time you were scared, excited, and unsure of how the next four years of your life were going to turn out. You doubted it would go fast and even though you weren't positive about what your future plans would hold, you had plenty of time. You figured out your major, added a minor or two, joined a handful of organizations and all of the sudden you're here. Your final semester of undergrad. Now you've got 25 problems and graduation is only one.

Keep Reading...Show less
last semester
Student Life

Syllabus Week At UD Explained By "The Office"

"The Office" understands the struggle of the first week back from winter break.

University of Dayton
977
the office

January 19th is the first day of the second semester at the University of Dayton, and students couldn't be more excited. However, the excitement that students are experiencing may be short-lived once they see what this semester's courses will entail. Although students will be happy to be back at Dayton, they may realize this semester will be more difficult than they predicted. Here are some things that happen during syllabus week explained by " The Office."

Keep Reading...Show less
syllabus week
Entertainment

Your Friend Group, As Told By Disney Princesses

Each Disney Princess has their own personality, and chances are you've got a friend in your group to match it.

Rutgers University
1385
Disney Princesses

The dynamics of any friend group are usually determined by the personalities which make it up. Chances are, while personalities may overlap, each person in your friend group holds his or her own place. It is the differences which bring the groups together and keep them functioning. No matter how functionally dysfunctional your friend group may be, if you're anything like me, you feel absolutely blessed to have found such a wonderful group of humans to call "your people." Here is what your friend group might look like if they were Disney princesses (and that wasn't just a thing you all pretended in your heads):

Keep Reading...Show less
disney princess
Student Life

8 Ways College Is Designed To Be The Best Four Years Of Your Life

Say yes to new adventures!

Seton Hall University
492
dorm roon
Tumblr

College is a place where you spend four years exploring opportunities you never knew were there, creating the person you are, and making life-long friends. College is hard, but it is worth spending four years there. Just because college is difficult doesn't mean that it's not fun. There are plenty of great memories you can make during your four years if college. Here are ways college is designed to be the best four years of your life:

Keep Reading...Show less

Trending Topics

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments