It was graduation day.

Could you believe it? I know I couldn't.

Finally wearing that cap and gown and almost tripping across the stage in heels you were only wearing to show the girls and guys what the " New You" was about. It was the beginning of so much more. What would you do? College? Work? Marriage? Family? Travel? and amongst all the excitement and scattered thoughts of the future were the tears that smeared your makeup saying some very difficult goodbyes and some, but few, see you soons. It was your last free summer, the big celebration of finally making it through four years of high school and all the drama that came with that but after the dresses and ties come off, caps are hung and displayed and the last of the carefree music plays on our vacations, what now?

It was the college life for me

Western Carolina University. The dream for many at my high school and all over. Beautiful campus, secluded, big credited university and freedom. My college countdown started early in my summer after freshman orientation when I fell in love with the idea of a new life and a new beginning. After the awkward greetings and name games galore, you start to feel a little more at home and enjoy yourself for the day or two that you are really here until move-in day. August seventeenth had a huge spot in my heart, the world revolved around that day for me and when I would finally get to " start over " and move into my dorm, meet my roommate and find new clubs and tons of new friends on top of finally getting to start my career. It was all so exciting and new that I somehow missed that fact that the sad reality is that college and college life, is incredibly hard.

What move in was actually like

Move in day started at seven am with McDonald's orange juice and a sad goodbye to my puppy and with the car packed full I left. I was a bundle of nerves until I got here and was too scared to meet anyone. Lofting my bed was more than a pain and my first-day decorations were a little under par but I anxiously awaited my roommate who turned out to be a sister in disguise even though it doesn't ever seem to work out that way, I got super lucky. This started the WOW ( Week Of Welcome) where everyone eventually goes out to try to find their club, organization, greek life and a newfound group of friends, everyone, except me.

Long story short, I never grew out of my shell.

Here I sit at the end of my freshman year of college still in the same boat as I was before. I never joined a club or got out much and essentially took for granted of this amazing opportunity that not a lot of people get. I wanted so bad to change and be different and be able to start over that I never actually did it and because of this, my goals and my feelings about life have changed a lot. I learned that college is a smooth transitioning gateway into the real world but kinda like Chinese food, it isn't for everyone no matter the variety. Also, you never get away from the kinds of people you don't like. People will be mean to you regardless but they will also be the nicest they possibly can and trust me, they will surprise you. Then finally my main lesson has been that the things in life that you want will never come to you. The lifestyle, clubs, friends, good grades, workout plan, job and everything else you could possibly want will never just fall into you one day. The hardest part of life is the fact that it takes time and it takes some work but mostly it takes struggle and bad days. College for me was an eyeopener.

In conclusion, I'm still stuck, but only a little.

I still haven't figured out what I want to do with my life and despite what anyone says, that is okay. Life is not a constant competition with a specific timeline to follow. Its okay not to graduate high school at eighteen and be in college and done by twenty-two, have an amazing job at twenty-three or twenty-four, get married, find a house and have a family all in that order. People are all different and come from different places in this world and not everyone will have the same plan. For all the people who have done it this way, My respect for you is unimaginable. For the people who couldn't and still haven't or built their life differently, I am still so glad. I only hope that one day I will allow my life to fall into place as it should but until then I know that college taught me more about myslef then anything it could teach me in a text book and maybe, just maybe, it can show me along the way who I was meant to be and what I am here for.