I have always wanted a dog, but have never really gotten the opportunity to have my own personal one. When I was younger, maybe 6 or 7 years old, my siblings and I would save our pennies and put them in our jar; designated to getting a dog. Eventually, we got a family dog. It wasn't until January of this year (2016), however, that I ended up getting my own.
Freshman year of college, I found myself in the "darkest point in my life." I stopped taking my anti-depressants, I stopped going to my therapist appointments. I eventually skipped class for "naps," when in reality, I laid in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, thinking of either nothing or everything. After my alarm went off in the morning, I'd wake up, and lay in bed, trying to convince myself to get out of it. I avoided anything that had to do with groups. I never slept, I barely ate. I was drowning and refused to get help because I believed that, somehow, I "deserved it."
Sophomore year, I had become somewhat "functional." I had three jobs, an internship and I was taking 16 credit hours. Getting out of bed was still awful, but for different reasons now. I still, however, avoided groups. I had friends, but new people were still a threat to me. I wasn't taking my medication or sleeping and eating much. I was stuck between wanting to be social, but fearful of the made up consequences.
You see, I wanted to be social. I wanted to see people, hang out with them, but the fear of being judged, not good enough and so many other things got in the way.It wasn't until winter break that I had an idea: Get a dog.
I had heard that dogs and other animals could help people who had anxiety, and depression learn how to be "functional" (for lack of a better word). After calling my therapist and discussing the possibility of it, I started a search for the dog that would change my life.
Two weeks later, a friend of mine, while in one of our other friend's kitchen, mentioned that her family friend's dog had puppies. When asked what kind, she wasn't sure. I eventually learned that the dog had border collie/Australian shepherd mixes.
I had always loved border collies and aAussies. My grandma had an Australian shepherd on her ranch and I adored it. I knew both breeds were smart and that they were working dogs. The dog that I was getting would be an emotional support animal, technically, and the breeds would enjoy it, as they would be working with me consistently. Eventually, after a while of questioning and second guessing myself, I messaged her family friend.
In meeting my dog for the first time, there was an instant connection. My teacher in high school always used to tell me that if I ever had an instant connection with something, or someone, that it was something to cherish.I never believed that an instant connection could happen, until I met Aspen. It never made sense to me. In seeing my dog, however, there was a sense of instant calmness and it felt right. Eventually, after some soul searching, and a lot of TLC this summer, I figured out how I connected with her so quickly: she's just like me.
Timid, and nervous, she would crawl into my lap around big groups as a puppy. She used me as a way to hide, just like I used my room to hide from things. Even now, she does crawl onto my lap on occasions. When things went out of her control, she'd run, just like I would, and find things that she could control; how she acted, etc. For me, I knew I could control food, and school. Her constant anxiety around people, males especially, and fear of things, in general, is something that we both have in common.
Aspen consistently pushes me out of my comfort zone, whether we're on walks, at the dog park or at home. People love her, and she seems to be learning, every day, that people aren't so bad. In people loving her, they ask me questions and I have to provide answers.
At home, when I'm having a rough day, she's there to help guide and make me feel better. Her cuddling with me in bed, increases my levels of oxytocin, which is a hormone that is released when humans bond socially. Playing with her usually means fetch and that gets me out of bed. She consistently checks up with me, following me around the house/dorm room, even joining me in the bathroom while I shower on occasions.
On walks, when meeting new friends, human or not, Aspen was skittish. At six months, she still looks at me consistently, waiting for me to give her a sign that they aren't going to do anything wrong. Slowly, but surely, she is learning to like people (and dogs), and teaching me to as well.
