It is no exaggeration when I say that I felt like I was being punked for every single second of this date. I use the word "date" in the loosest sense possible, because I rather not ever refer to it as a date, and it will never ever be known to me as a date. However, I'll continue to use this term for the sake of ease.

Okay, so this guy... or rather, as I quickly found out, this boy... was unreal. I wish he was unreal, but this was the most real, and uncomfortable, experience in a while.

I agreed to grab coffee with him because it turned out we had been eating at two different locations that were not even a minute away from one another. I took that as a sign that I should meet up with him.

Before entering the coffee shop, he proceeded to tell me that I would look better if I had my hair down and took my glasses off. I wasn't sure how to reply to his attempt at a compliment that was clearly wrapped up in an insult. When he asked me to remove my glasses and put down my hair, I kindly refused. Upon not complying with his requests, he then told me that that was a turn-off. I'm guessing he liked submissive girls; well, sorry 'bout that.

We walked up to the coffee shop, and I don't expect the guy to open the door for the girl, but would it have killed him to at least hold it open? I guess letting the door close in my face is cool too.

We got into line and he asked if I wanted anything to drink. He didn't ask because he was being nice, though; he asked because he had a free drink he could redeem. I told him no, and he said that turned him off. Ummm, what? I'm sorry I wasn't thirsty (no pun intended)? My head was then turned into an armrest for his elbows and my height was made fun of. But whatever, I'll let that go.

The shop had been packed around that hour, but looking around there was a single spot that could accommodate two people. The only problem being that there was only one chair, because someone else had been using the other to rest their bags on. I can't say I was the least bit surprised when he walked over and sat down. I mean, how did he know I preferred to stand anyway?

I was able to sit down eventually, and we started chatting. I don't mean "we," though, because I was allowed two words the whole time, and that's generous.

At one point he asked me the standard question, "What do you like to do?" Before I could even answer he said, "If you say you like to read for fun, I will kill myself."

Well then....

Moving on, he also asked me if my name, Mimi, was my real name or if it was just a nickname. I told him it was real and he started laughing and telling me that I had a weird name. And then he went on to tell me that I had a dog's name, proceeding to bark at me. He actually started barking at me and giving me orders in the mock "doggy" tone. How was one even supposed to react to that?

After, he asked me a question where I recall saying, "I don't know" to. Of course it was only natural for him to tell me that replying like that was a turn-off and also annoying. My bad for literally not knowing the answer.

He offered me a bag of M&Ms that he informed me had just been sitting in his car all year long, and I turned that down. He asked me what my favorite candy was and I said Swedish Fish. "You're one of those people? We can't be friends anymore, that's a turn-off." Hate on me, but don't hate on Swedish Fish.

The rest of the day consisted of him making racist, sexist, and ignorant comments and also making fun of the LGBTQ community. He still insisted that I take my hair down and remove my glasses every other minute, and it seemed like he could not go the same minute without throwing an insult my way or telling me that what I was doing or saying was a turn-off.

Now, I'm leaving a lot of cringe-worthy details out because those details would probably identify him. But needless to say, the worse was not even mentioned above and thinking about the details of this outing, just sends shivers down my spine and makes me want to cry.

So when he asked me if he could call this a date, I gladly said no and I gladly smiled — I think you know where I'm going with this — when he told me that that was turn-off.