Anxiety is hard. It’s messy. It’s not the adorable awkwardness that Tumblr makes it out to be. It’s sweating and nausea and panic attacks and worrying, worrying, worrying. If it exists, I have worried about it. Even if it doesn’t exist, there’s a still good chance I have worried about it. One of things I worry about most is how my anxiety affects the people I love—literally worrying about worrying. As hard as this is for me, I know it also can’t be easy on my friends, family, and boyfriend. I may be the one lying on the floor in tears, struggling to breathe, but they have to watch me, feeling helpless because there’s nothing they can do. Luckily, I have an awesome support system that is literally my saving grace. Thank you, guys. You mean the world to me. To anyone else who loves someone with anxiety, here’s what I suggest:

1. Be Patient with Us

Things that may seem really easy to you can be really hard for us. Always encourage us to try new things, and break out of our comfort zones, but don’t rush us or expect us to do it all at once.

2. Be Flexible

My worst habit is making a ton of plans when I feel good and then not being able to do any of them. Anxiety results in a lot of cancelled plans. We’re not bailing on you, and I promise we feel awful when we have to cancel.

3. Give Us an Escape Route

A big part of anxiety stems from worrying that I’m going to be in a place where I’m anxious and uncomfortable and not able to leave. If you tell me, “We have to go to this party” I will be all kinds of freaked out. But, if you say “We’ll go to this party, but if you need to, we can leave.” I usually don’t even have a problem staying the whole time. I just need to know that leaving is an option if I do need it. Also, a good idea is to have a code phrase, something common like “I left something in my car” or “my phone is dying.” I just have to say my code phrase and my boyfriend knows that I need to get out of there and I don’t have to worry about feeling rude or awkward.

4. Ask Us What We Need

Everyone handles their anxiety differently. When I start panicking, everyone’s first reaction is to hug me. I appreciate that, but it just makes me feel trapped and it's harder to breathe. Ask the person what helps them most, when they’re having a panic attack or just in general to help with their anxiety.

5. Just Listen

I know it must be hard to watch us spiraling out of control when there’s nothing you can do… but seriously, sometimes there’s just nothing you can do. Don’t try to fix the problem, or shush us. Just let us ramble on about whatever ridiculous thing is bothering us. Let us freak out. Then, once we’ve calmed down we can talk about things rationally and come up with a solution. We get that you want to help, but we also don’t need you to fix us. We just need you to be there.