So I’m just going to assume we’ve all seen the legendary movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with the stunning Kate Hudson and heart-throb Matthew McConaughey. (It’s actually on Netflix right now so if you haven’t seen it, definitely check it out as soon as humanly possible.)

In the movie, Andie writes for a popular magazine called Composure and is working on a column how to lose a guy in 10 days—inspired by her hot-mess BFF and all the mistakes she makes along the way of trying to land her dream guy. Because it’s a rom-com, of course both women fail at what their main objective is at first but then love prevails and they end up with their soulmates. Benjamin, Matthew McConaughey’s character, is the unlovable jerk who falls in desperate love with Andie—despite making a bet that he can get any woman to fall in love with him. Basically, the two have everything in the universe working against them but everyone (of course) lives happily ever after. Andie and Benjamin actually ride off into the sunset on his motorcycle while she ditches her cab on the Brooklyn Bridge— super hot!

But anyways! The point here is that Andie actually had a good thing going on—how to lose a guy in 10 days. She inspired me to write about how to lose him in 10 ways instead though—I mean, I have a boyfriend nowadays, (I know crazy right, like who would ever want to date this crazy chick who writes about dating all the time), and I doubt he’d encourage me going out and actually doing all the dating “don’ts” while dating someone else for 10 days.

So here’s what I’ve put together through my own previous dating (and horrifying) experiences and while watching some of my friends torture another guy the same way. This can also go vice-versa, how to lose your chick in 10 ways because despite how crazy some guys think we are—these are turn offs for us too!

1. Being a Stage 5 Clinger

Yeah, these “things”—ie: people, exist! Let your boyfriend (or girlfriend) breathe! They fell for the person you were before you met them, so why stop being that person? Your independence is sexy—don’t lose that for your SO. Every waking moment of your relationship does not need to be spent together. If you’re allowed to have girl’s night, then they’re allowed to have boy’s night. If you isolate all your time to be dedicated to your SO, you have no time for yourself. Everyone needs alone time and everyone needs time with their best friends—you deserve it, so allow yourselves that time to miss each other a bit.

2. Blow Up Their Phone 24/7

He might be your boyfriend (or she might be your girlfriend)—but it really is none of your business where they are 24/7. Let your SO live. It’s not attractive or cute to be sending endless texts of “where are you,” “what are you doing,” “why aren’t you answering,” "OK. Fine. She can have you then.” If they don’t answer your text or call in five minutes, it’s going to be alright. You don’t need to keep calling or assume they’re cheating or ignoring you. Maybe they’re enjoying a moment without their phone—without you and hey, that’s okay. They were an individual before they met you and they’re allowed to be that individual still.

3. Trash Talk Other Females (or Dudes)

Nothing is more irritating (or unattractive) than someone who’s constantly talking negatively about another person. It’s almost obsessive. Point here is stop slut shaming, stop bashing people, stop bullying and stop caring so much about what other people are doing. We should all be on the same team—especially as women. Instead of stabbing each other in the back—let’s watch after each other. I’m telling you that nothing will push your SO away more than constantly shit-talking another person. Don’t let your insecurities consume you—let them make you stronger. Look at it this way—they’re with you, not her (or him), not their ex, not that pretty waitress from the other night—and if they didn’t want to be with you, they wouldn’t.

4. Being Jealous of Every Move They Make

This kind of relates to the trash talking but more extreme. Stop being jealous—like I said, if your SO didn’t want to be with you, they wouldn’t be wasting their time. It’s as simple as that, they chose to make things official with you—they post pictures of you two, show you off when you’re out and introduced you to ma and pop. You’re the one that they want—and I hope you sang that like Sandra Dee and Danny Zuko from Grease. Stop questioning where they really are when they’re grabbing beers with the boys, stop freaking out on him for being friendly with the cute bartender and stop assuming he’s always up to something. Don’t look through his phone without permission and when he says “Aunt Beth” is really his aunt named Beth and not some side chick, believe him.

5. Invade Their Privacy

For god’s sake, stop sneaking around and snooping on each other’s phones or Facebook messages. Listen, Rachel from 2012 means nothing—by reading all those old messages, you’re really only hurting yourself and your relationship by being a snoop. If something seems sketchy—just ask! Spying and “investigating” only leads you to what you are really looking for—a reason to be upset. If you don’t trust your SO enough to not snoop—then you two probably shouldn’t be together anyways.

6. Be Insecure About Everything

Confidence is so sexy and there is a difference between being confident and being cocky. No one likes someone who’s constantly talking about themselves and how “hot” they are—and how many people want to get with them. Those people are obnoxious and usually are just bragging about the compliments they get because they don’t get that many in the first place.

Be confident, don’t be that girl (or guy) constantly fishing for compliments. Be confident in yourself and your relationship. If your SO is working on a group project and can’t hang one night, they’re not “choosing” other people over you—and don’t think of it that way; they’re getting work done. A relationship will be too much work for someone who has to constantly reassure you that they like you and that you’re the only one. Majority of the time, unless you’re dating a real jerk, you have nothing to worry about—you’re a total catch, now believe that. Believe in yourself, believe in your partner and believe in the strength of your relationship—otherwise, what are you doing in the first place?

7. Never Make Compromises

If everything is constantly your way or the highway—you’re setting yourself up for failure and also resentment from your partner. Compromise is so important in order for a relationship to work and it doesn’t mean you’re “settling,” There needs to be a balance and to be honest, if you keep acting like a pompous queen, then you’ll probably just end up like Marie Antoinette did, just kidding, but you get the memo—no one likes a pompous bitch.

Text him good morning first—maybe he’s waiting for you for once. Make the plans for dinner and ask your boyfriend out—maybe he just wants you to show some initiative. You need to do things you don’t like sometimes—after all, your SO probably does a lot of things they don’t like for your happiness. So let him pick the restaurant once in a while and don’t get all pouty when he picks a burger and beer joint. And let her pick the movie—and don’t pretend to fall asleep when she makes you watch The Notebook for the sixteenth time.

8. Don’t Give Anyone In Their Life A Chance

So maybe your SO has some different friends—that you may not have ever interacted with if it weren’t for them. Maybe their parents are a little too loud and drink a little too much. Maybe her best friend is a loud mouth that’s always getting into some kind of trouble. Perhaps his best friend is a ladies man, with a new girlfriend every other week. Whether you like it or not, these are people in your SO’s life that have been there and are most likely, there to stay. If your personality clashes with someone but they haven’t done anything detrimental to your relationship, you can’t tell your SO to completely ditch this person. You may not understand why your SO has this person in their lives—but you don’t have to. Support your SO and their other friendships—because after all, when things get tough with you, who are they going to turn to for advice?

9. Start Pointless Fights

Learn to pick your battles. There should be a conversation when he actually forgets your birthday—but not when he got you PURPLE but he should just know your favorite color is PINK—like UGH, does he even know you at all?!

If you’re constantly nitpicking your SO and starting pointless arguments—especially in front of an audience, they’re going to get sick of your shit and give up. Maybe it was cute at first—maybe it was never cute at all, but for whatever reason, your SO let it slide and didn’t make it a big deal but the constant stupid fights get OLD. Relationships should be less work and more leisurely. Personally, I want to feel comfortable with my man—not like I’m constantly walking on egg shells around him. Pick your battles—fight when it’s actually worth the fight. Plus makeup sex is only as good as the fight at hand—a disagreement over him switching Teen Mom to Monday Night Football doesn’t qualify as “fighting material.” And TBH—Teen Mom is so 2010, get a new show girl.

10. Assuming The Worst

My boyfriend always says “When you assume, you’re only making an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘me’” and as corny as it sounds, he’s right. When you assume, you usually are only thinking of worst-case scenarios. He doesn’t text you back right away—you assume he’s with someone he shouldn’t be or he’s doing something he doesn’t want you to know about. When in reality—he was just shaving for your hot date tonight and couldn’t get back to you at the moment. Ask questions, have a conversation but don’t just assume the worst or assume what you “think” is actually going on. Ask—because if you assume he already has plans tonight, you’ll never know that he was actually waiting for you to text him to do something. Don’t assume your SO doesn’t want to hangout—maybe they’re waiting for you to invite yourself over instead of them always being the one to ask to hang out or make dinner plans.

Now, I could probably go on to 20 ways to lose your SO but I won’t. I hope that these 10 ways to lose a guy—or a girl, help you in your next relationship. I’ve had BFF’s blow up a guy’s phone when he didn’t answer for five minutes and I’ve never seen a guy run faster. I have assumed the worst and thought my boyfriend was cheating when he was really just napping or his phone died. I’ve seen guys get jealous over celebrity crushes their girlfriends have had. I’ve sabotaged a relationship before by always making him text me first and make the plans first. It’s just crazy and we need to start picking our battles better and learning how to compromise to ensure our happiness and also the happiness of our SO.