Living with a Mental Illness

Individual: a single human being as distinct from a group, class, or family. We are all individual people. Each living, breathing person is separate from every other. Each brain inside of our heads is formed in its own way. You cannot see the way each thought of each person you come in contact to with is formed. Some brains have not even thought of the way others work. Some brains are only concerned with the well-being of others. Some have crossed wires or pieces missing. I can’t tell you anything about anyone else, but I sure can try and put what it’s like living in my head into words.

I don’t like being generalized. My brain doesn’t have a block stuck in it labeled “Depression”, even though sometimes it feels like it. The word depression is used to describe the shared symptoms of millions of people. But these symptoms are merely a result of the way our brains are formed. Sometimes wires are cut off completely, sometimes chemicals aren’t made, and sometimes things don’t get delivered to the right spot. No matter the cause, some brains just naturally lack certain feelings, or explode with them to such an extent that it’s hard to function. To achieve a comfortable balance of feelings in my brain, I take medication every day. Some medications made me feel even worse, and some stopped me from feeling at all. But some brains don’t work with medicine, or react aggressively, and need to find other means of getting through each day. After all, each brain is its own individual creation.

Inside my brain, without medicine to create the chemicals it lacks, my head is dark. I always feel angry and hopeless. Everything feels like an uphill battle I will never win. Even if I have a breakthrough and push myself with all I can, I can’t feel better. My brain never stops throwing punches at me, and even though it seems like I should really despise my own head, I’m thankful for it. Having a brain that is so sensitive and full of feelings has made me who I am. I have the right tools now and can look back at everything I went through with hope that I can help someone else through their own obstacles. Our thought processes make us individuals, and we should use that to the best of our abilities.