How I Learned To Take Up Space | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Student Life

How I Learned To Take Up Space

figuring out how to break out of your bubble is hard, but worth it.

15
How I Learned To Take Up Space
batega / Flickr

When my Public Speaking teacher talks about personal space, it's hard to understand exactly what she means. Of course, I know the concepts in theory: polite conversation with strangers stays around 2 feet away from them, give or take a little for people you know better or not as much. I know that my boss keeps her distance from the employees respectfully, and I know that I lean in to talk to my sister much more than I would with a classmate I barely know. But our textbook starts talking about physical intimacy in public, and it just doesn't click.

I'm a touchy person. Ask anyone, I am not shy of hugs or a playful shove. I'm fine with both good friends and strangers touching me. The thing is, though, I rarely ever reach out to touch without being prompted. Even when I really want to, to comfort another person or to comfort myself, I have to actually push myself to take action and reach out of my personal bubble.

This isn't new, though. My parents are kind, reassuring people, but kind of awkward with physical affection. I'm so close to my sister that we are often "attached at the hip," but that comes from years of familiarity, and we have always been content to stay in the Venn Diagram of our personal spaces. We hug sometimes, briefly, but for the most part, we resort to messing each other's hair up, or the kind of "playfighting" you're supposed to outgrow by the time you're an adult.

I remember one time, my psychiatrist had prescribed me a new kind of ADHD medicine, and it made me extremely hyperactive. My Dad came back from a coffee run one morning, and I was so ecstatic to see him that I bounded over and kissed him on the cheek. He stood frozen for a second, eyes widened, because it was oddly surprising, coming from me. I don't think I had ever done that before--kissed someone on the cheek. And I really mean I hadn't done it to anyone — not my sister, not a friend — (not even jokingly!), not my 1-year-old cousin, even. I think I did it once to my cat, but that hardly counts.

In that instance, I was so full of energy that getting close to someone was impulsive, a natural thought. I didn't even think about it, I just acted. Almost every other time, though, I overthink it so much that I usually end up staying well within my bubble. If a dear friend is crying in front of me, my brain doesn't know how to respond, even though I know that they would want a hug, or a squeeze of the hand. I just flash a comforting smile, or try and soothe with my words. But I don't move.

That sounds a little cold, but I swear there's no lack of emotion--I just haven't learned how to make my actions instinctual yet. I'm too used to staying in my bubble. It's only recently that I've been branching out, actually. College has been surprisingly full of people that are so, so full of affection — for me, even! They call me endearments like "honey", and "darling" after meeting me twice, they bear-hug me without hesitating, and they always ask if it's alright before they touch me. No other group of friends has made me feel so loved physically; so safe and respected and...worthy of being touched.

I know PDA isn't for everyone. Some people get really uncomfortable with it, for various reasons. I can definitely respect that. But for me, it was radical to discover that I was not taking up as much space as I could in the world. It was joyous to realize that I was allowed to slip into others' personal space, to shorten that polite distance between us. I am very glad that I have learned that my personal space isn't a prison cell--it's a door that can be opened to whomever I want.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Taylor Swift in orange dress playing a moss-covered piano on stage with bright lights.

A three-and-a-half-hour runtime. Nine Eras. Eleven outfit changes. Three surprise songs. Zero breaks. One unforgettable evening. In the past century, no other performer has put on an electric performance quite like Taylor Swift, surpassing her fans ‘wildest dreams’. It is the reason supporters keep coming back to her shows each year. Days later, I’m still in awe of the spectacle ‘Miss Americana’ puts on every few days in a new city. And, like one of Taylor’s exes, has me smiling as I reminisce about the memories of the night we spent together.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

A Few Thoughts Every College Freshman Has

The transition into adulthood is never easy

25018
Mays Island
Courtney Jones

Today I started my third week of college at Minnesota State Moorhead. I have survived welcome week, finding my classes on the first day, and being an awkward loner in the dining hall. Even though I have yet to be here for a month, I have already experienced many thoughts and problems that only a new college student can relate to.

Keep Reading...Show less
Students walking on a sunny college campus with trees and buildings.

"Make sure to get involved when you're in college!"

We've all heard some variation of this phrase, whether it came from parents, other family members, friends, RAs, or college-related articles. And, like many clichés, it's true for the most part. Getting involved during your college years can help you make friends, build your resume, and feel connected to your campus. However, these commitments can get stressful if you're dealing with personal issues, need to work, or aren't sure how to balance classes and everything else going on during the semester.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

9 Reasons Why Friends Are Essential In College

College without friends is like peanut butter without jelly.

10417
Bridgaline Liberati and friends
Bridgaline Liberati

In college, one of the essential things to have is friends. Yes, textbooks, a laptop, and other school supplies are important but friends are essential. Friends are that support system everybody needs. The more friends you have the better the support system you have. But you also have someone to share experiences with. And don’t settle for just one or two friends because 8 out of 10 times they are busy and you are studying all alone. Or they have other friend groups that do not include you. Don’t settle for just one or two friends; make as many friends as you can. After the first couple of weeks of college, most friend groups are set and you may be without friends.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Power of Dressing Up

Why it pays to leave the hoodie at home.

7642
sneakers and heels
Sister | Brother Style - Word Press

For a moment your world is spinning. The phone alarm has just scared you awake and you’re flooded by daunting thoughts of the day ahead. You have three assignments due and little time to work on them because of your job. You’re running late because you’ve hit snooze one to many times after yesterday’s long hours. You dizzily reach for a hoodie, craving its comfort, and rush for a speedy exit, praying you will have time to pick up coffee. Does this sound familiar?

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments