How It Feels To Lose A Parent I Hardly Knew | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

How It Feels To Lose A Parent I Hardly Knew

One of the hardest and heart-wrenching experiences.

29
How It Feels To Lose A Parent I Hardly Knew
Kayla Saunders

I remember being a little girl, waiting at the front door of my house. I sat there happy as ever, waiting for my father to pull up on the curb with his silver Subaru hatchback. Minutes turned into hours and my smile grew smaller and smaller every second. I wish I would have known back then that daddy wasn’t coming to see me, but as a little kid we all have one big thing filling our hearts and minds — hope.

Growing up, it was always weird answering the question, “Where is your dad, Kayla?” Because in all honesty, I didn’t know where he was most of the time. I knew nothing about him. I don’t even know his favorite color, his favorite season, or his favorite sport. His job took him all across the country, and after getting divorced with my mom he disappeared off the face of the earth. I would see him periodically, a couple times when I was five, once when I was seven and 10. The last time I saw him I was 12 years old, in the recovery room because I just got my tonsils taken out. The anesthesia was working pretty well on me, as I barely recollect seeing him. Today, I wish I would have said something to him, because that was the last time I ever saw his smile and voice.

The day after my 13th birthday, my mother got a phone call from her fellow co-worker. “What’s Kayla’s last name again, Kathy?” she asked my mom, her voice laced with worry. My father’s obituary was plastered in the city newspaper. He had been dead for 7 days, and I would not have even known if it wasn’t for my mother’s friend. My mom told me with tears streaming down her face, and I stared at her with disbelief. My daddy was dead. I immediately reverted back to my 5-year old self, the little girl who was obsessed with her dad and was the true definition of a "daddy’s girl." It didn’t hit me until a few days later, where I sobbed uncontrollably in my room for hours. I couldn’t believe he was gone. The funeral was all a blur. I can remember everyone telling me how sorry they were for my loss, and how my father was such a great man. But I didn’t believe them. He wasn’t a good father at all, so how could he be a good man? He abandoned me.

As I got older, the loss of my father affected my mental health. I became depressed, extremely depressed. I felt like my father didn’t love me. He rejected me. Negative thoughts like these continued to spread throughout my brain. It became an endless cycle of negativity for me. But, then I made a breakthrough: My father’s mistakes should not change my self-worth. He didn’t know how to address the problem at hand, so he decided to ignore it. His wrongdoing had nothing to do with me though, it was completely his own lack of morality and principle. So, to anyone reading this who feels rejected because a parent isn’t/wasn’t in their life, I know how you feel. But, it all gets better. Their wrongdoings do NOT define who you are. Without them you will still rise, and use all of your potential for good in the world. YOU are important.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

187875
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

13412
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

456750
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

25945
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments