Before you roll your eyes and say, "Oh look. More whining," hear me out. Just read what I have to say because it may change your point of view about a few things. Also, disclaimer, this is not directed at the entire male gender, only those to whom this applies.
Recently, I had to write and present a monologue for my Intro to Theatre class. Our assignment was to create a character, come up with a problem for them to talk about, and by the end of our monologue, the problem had to be resolved. Rather than pull something out of the back of my mind and create a fictional character and issue, I decided to write from experience.
I find it easier to write when I choose a topic I am passionate about and have experienced first hand, so I picked a struggle that almost every woman will deal with in her life, one that I have dealt with since I was fourteen. I have always looked and acted a lot older than I am, so some misconception is understandable, but here is the poem I wrote about the thoughts of a catcall victim. And yes. I do mean VICTIM. People don't seem to realize that these kinds of comments have an effect on the person they are yelled at. This is how it has affected me and how I learned to move past it.
Lovely
By Jennifer Williams
It's a pretty common word,
Doesn’t hold much weight.
Just a word that when heard
Can change a girl’s fate.
Not the one she is given,
But the one she gives herself.
It can make her take down
What she left broken on the shelf.
Broken and ugly,
Beaten and scarred,
She hid it away,
Maybe a little too far.
But here’s the funny thing,
Actually, not funny at all.
Just ironic and sad,
And it started her fall
Down into sadness and regret
For something she couldn’t help,
But she let it consume her
And control how she felt.
At eight years old, she was asked,
“Are you thirteen?”
And when she could drive
She was offered a drink
At a restaurant with her parents
Who looked up in shock
As the waiter explained,
“She looks like an adult.”
It was a simple mistake,
But it was only the beginning
Of a plethora of snap judgements
That show no signs of ending.
Thinking she’s older
Just because she's tall
Doesn’t begin to cover it,
No, not at all.
There are innocent mistakes
Like thinking she’s twenty-three,
But then there are the looks
She never wants to see.
The looks that men
Seem to think are such fun
But when she sees, all she thinks is,
“Don’t look back, just run.”
She was raised to be alert,
Always on her guard,
And if she has to fight,
Hit first and hit hard.
Don’t stop or hesitate,
Because neither will they.
And she knows if she slows,
There might be a price to pay.
It's sad and it's harsh,
But it's how she grew up,
Scared to walk down the sidewalk
Without the spray can hidden in the cuff
Of her sleeve,
Just out of sight
With her thumb on the switch,
Unlocked if it’s night.
Up until about sixteen
She wasn’t very afraid
And then it happened,
Some random guy said,
“Hey sugar! Come here!
Let me show you a good time.”
And she couldn’t believe it.
Was he out of his mind?
What made him think
That she wanted to hear
His repulsive and rude comments
Ringing in her ears.
She was picking up groceries
For her mom back at home,
And this is what she gets
If she goes out alone?
What gives him the right
To talk to her this way?
Turn her into an object
With so little he says.
And this was just the beginning
Of the endless string of lines
That's it seems she will hear
For a very long time.
Just one thing she wants,
All she wants is to know
Why in the world
She can’t seem to go
That short little distance
From car to front door
Of any kind of restaurant
Or any kind of store
Without someone sharing their thoughts
Even though they’re unwanted.
Little do they know,
They’re leaving her haunted
By echoes and whispers
Of people she sees.
Even her close friends
Don’t seem to believe
That this is taking it’s toll
Wearing her down to the bone
It’s getting to where
All she feels is alone.
It has been too long
Since she last heard
That sweet, kind,
And loving little word.
All of the adjectives
In all of her language
She was waiting to hear the one
That would help end her anguish.
It took quite a while,
Longer than most
For her to realize
That she was always so close
To realizing the truth,
And all that it took
Was a devotion that was read
From Bible story book.
The speaker read the tale
Of Adam and Eve
And when she heard that one line
She finally believed.
“And they were lovely because He loved them.”
It was just that one sentence
And at last she got it
What a gift, what a present.
It didn’t matter what she heard
Or what other people thought.
Her value wasn’t in their opinions,
It was in this great love.
She isn’t lovely for her face,
She isn’t lovely for her mind,
It is because she is loved
That she is lovely, she finds.
Now don’t get her wrong
She still gets those remarks,
But it's no more than dogs
Voicing their meaningless barks.
Ladies: If you have ever gotten any uncalled for and unwanted comments made about you or yelled at you, you are not alone. Rise above and join those of us who have realized that the people making these comments are NOT worth your time. Your time is too precious to waste on people that don't matter. It might take a while, but one day you too will realize this truth and you will find a love that makes you truly lovely.
Gentlemen: If you have ever made any kind of derogatory or suggestive comment about or to a woman pertaining to her looks and she does not know you or did not ask for your opinion, you need to realize that not only are you shredding what self-confidence she has, but you have officially branded yourself a threat in her mind. It is not funny, this is not a game, and it is not to be taken lightly. As much as some women hate to admit it, we are the gentler sex. We are biologically engineered to be more emotional and physically weaker. This does not mean that we can't and won't take care of ourselves. When you make these comments, they are received as verbal threats and one day you may run across a woman who has heard one too many and isn't afraid to show you what pepper spray tastes like. I am not telling you this to scare you, only to make you aware of the emotional and mental damage you do to any girl you talk to this way, and the potential danger you put yourself in. Fair warning. Say what you will, just know that if there are consequences, you brought them on yourself.
