You'll start this off by putting some iceberg lettuce in a bowl. No. Don't eat iceberg lettuce. It's garbage. It's like eating green water. Literally, Metaphorically anything else is better. Shake your finger at the iceberg lettuce to let it know who's boss.

Then add your favorite floppy disk radish. Both red and white floppy disks radishes are permissible. You can eat these floopies or put them in your favorite 20th-century computer.

Next, add 1 apple. Check all surfaces of the apple to make sure it is actually an apple.

This next step is really important. Add 24 bananas to your salad. 23 is wrong. 25 is wrong. Don't be wrong. Use 24 bananas. If you don't know why it must be 24 bananas, your relationship salad is already doomed.

Add the signature ingredient: chocolate milk. This is what makes or breaks the relationship salad. Forget this, and you can kiss your relationship salad goodbye.

Well, individuals with whom I am currently speaking folks. That's how you make a salad improve relationships. Do this and everything will be great, not problematic.