This is the first feature in Swoon's Ghost Stories series. If you would like to share your story of being ghosted or ghosting someone, you can share it anonymously via this form.
You ever meet someone and everything falls into place so smoothly that you begin to ask yourself, "Wow, is this too good to be true?" only for it to be, in fact, exactly that — too good to be true?
One time, I connected with a guy who was my type to a T: tall with dark brown hair and an athletic build. We would text nearly every day and continuously make plans to hang out. Then, after six months, our communication slowly dwindled and he became flakey when we made attempts to see each other. I hoped that things would go back to normal especially because he assured me it was just a stressful time at school and what we had was special. Also, the most romantic holiday was right around the corner at the time so my expectations were too high for my own good.
On Valentine's Day, I found out the true reason behind why things started to go south.
It turns out that he had a girlfriend.
During that evening, I scrolled through my Instagram feed vigorously and my emotions went from being happy for all the couples I saw to feeling as though my heart dropped all the way to the ground. Right there before my eyes, there was a picture of the guy I thought I'd be spending holidays with — with another girl. Needless to say, I didn't hear from him for a long time after that.
Luckily I figured out how to bounce back so here's how I did it and how you can too.
Hit that unfollow button.
I've never been too keen on completely blocking people no matter what the circumstances are. However, I did unfollow him on every mutual social media account. Why? Because it's ten times easier getting over someone when you aren't presented with their business and whereabouts online.
Turn friends into accountability buddies.
Throughout my life, I've heard people advise to never let others know about the problems in your love life because even when you decide to forgive them, your family and friends won't. And that's exactly why I told my closest girlfriends in the first place. Even at times when I felt weak and wanted to text him to just figure everything out and get answers as to where we went wrong, my friends were there to encourage me to let that man go and move on.
Feel the pain.
Let's face it, getting ghosted or dumped is already its own form of hell, but having that happen during the holidays (Valentine's Day, at that) is a different kind of pain. Not only is it sad because you lost someone romantically, but it's straight-up humiliating. One of the most important things I did for myself was to feel that pain instead of bottling it up. When I wanted to sulk, I sulked. When I became angry, I vented indignantly. When I felt like binge eating in sadness, I did just that. And sooner or later the pain went away because I faced it head-on.
Put things into perspective.
Though it seems February would be the best time for couples, data reveals that peak breakup rates begin during Valentine's Day and gradually get higher in March and April. Part of the reason why late February to early March is the most common time for breakups is that people are especially analytical of their relationships during that time considering the pressures that come with Valentine's Day — it's a lot harder to tolerate someone during those times if you aren't truly invested in them. I realized there may not have been something specifically wrong with me or with the connection the guy and I shared, but regardless, it just didn't work out.
And that's OK.
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