It’s easy to expect much more from other people because of your own loving and giving personality. When you are willing to do anything and everything for another person, not getting the same amount of effort back can lead to disappointment.

What you expect from other people reflects the way you see yourself and what you believe you deserve. It can be hard, exhausting and sometimes lonely when you are consistently finding yourself disappointed due to others not mirroring their efforts with yours. That disappointment can cause you to build a wall to separate yourself from getting hurt; with every letdown, that wall grows higher and higher.

So what do you do? Do you let that wall of disappointment linger and continue to stand tall? Or do you knock that wall down completely and lower those high standards to avoid feeling lonely or hurt? It’s a difficult concept, and can sometimes seem like an all-or-nothing decision: sit and wait to be surprised? Or settle for less?

Healthy relationships require healthy expectations. Expectations like being treated fairly, being loved unconditionally and being respected, but it can be so hard to give 110% and only get 50% back. Assuming someone is going to respond to things the same way you are, assuming they think the same way you do, and care the same way you do can lead to this overwhelming need to repeatedly explain to them what you need from the relationship. But who does that hurt in the end?

Shifting your perception from what you want to happen to what is actually happening can lift the weight of those high standards off of your shoulders. Acknowledging that hurtful behavior can repeat itself can help you stop waiting for others to change on their own. High expectations can also lead to the need to push others in the direction you want them to go. This type of behavior can leave you feeling even more disappointed when the other person does not follow the path you’ve clearly laid out for them.

Instead of forcing yourself into the life of someone else, take that effort and focus on valuing those that love you the way you deserve. Centering your attention on those special people shifts your focus away from the relationships that continuously disappoint.

So don’t apologize for having high expectations. Don’t feel picky or needy or snobby for wanting to be treated, loved, and appreciated in the same way you treat, love, and appreciate others. It’s also important not to take it upon yourself to “fix” those who persistently hurt you; don’t break your own heart waiting for others to change.