Hey Homegirl,
I started dating my boyfriend when I was fourteen. Cole and I met in pre-algebra in 8th grade. All I really remember now is before we dated he would always tell me to break up with the guy I was dating before him. Thankfully, I took his advice.
Recommended for you
Every time someone asks how long we've been together and I tell them four years they look at me like I'm crazy and ask,
"how have ya'll made it this long."
The answer to that question changes year by year as Cole and I experience new challenges. Our new challenge began in August as we started college. During our relationship, we went to the same high school. We spent time together before school started in the mornings, ate lunch together, we had maybe a class together, or he came over after practice. This new season of our lives looks different for us.
Today I would answer the question "How have y'all made it this long, " by saying three things.
1. You make a commitment to each other. Even though Cole and I began dating when we were fourteen, we didn't realize until after a big break up when we were 16 that the relationship was serious. We don't think it's okay to have little side flings or be half way in the relationship. We're a team(I make the sports reference because that's all he speaks) and you make a commitment from the beginning to always fight for the team.
2. You make time for each other. Senior year of high school Cole played basketball for our school. It was really hard to make time for each other in-between his practices, my practice schedule, and work schedule, but Cole always made time for me. It was one thing I stressed to him before our senior year. I needed time. That time could be walking to class together or walking to our cars after school, but I needed quality time to feel valued in our relationship. After long practices, Cole would always make an effort to stop by my house or invite me to dinner. Now, as we've started college and work making time is VERY HARD. I get so caught up with studying, campus activities, working out, and hanging out with friends that when the day is over I completely have forgotten to even shoot Cole a text message. You've got to make time for that significant other in your life to remind them that they are valued. Shoot them a text or ask them on a last minute lunch date, but remember you always make time for the person you value.
3. Our world doesn't revolve around each other. I am so thankful to have a boyfriend who doesn't need me. Let me rephrase that, I'm so thankful to have a boyfriend who doesn't need me to complete himself. I am also thankful to have a boyfriend that praises my independence. We have made things work for so long because we can function without each other. I have learned this to be vital more in college. In college, I have made friends that aren't Cole's friends and I do things that Cole isn't involved in. AND THAT'S OKAY. As a couple I truly believe more than anything that you have to know who you are apart from your significant other, because if not one day you will realize that you didn't go out with your friends that night, because you were with your boyfriend or you chose that college, because your boyfriend went there. Realizing who you are without him is so key.
"Don't miss out on big or little things in your life, just because you're stuck up his butt. " -My Mom
I'm not the expert on relationships. I have to remind myself these things every day. I have to remind myself every day that I made a commitment to a team and even when we aren't winning I won't give up on my team. I hope if you're dating your significant other from high school or just met someone in college you find my experience to be helpful.
P.S I'm rootin for ya!
