Moving away for college has been one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences of my life, but with moving away comes some obstacles. Moving away means leaving behind the family, friends and family friends that have been there since day one. I was super excited to experience new people, see new places and have new heartbreaks. I have experienced all these things so far, but I also have experienced something no one wants to every feel: guilt.
My first semester of college was going amazingly. I was in a bible study, I had recently joined a sorority and my grades were great. Then, I got the call on one Friday afternoon that changed my outlook on living away from home forever. My grandparent’s best friend, Mr. Wayne, gained his beautiful wings. Mr. Wayne and his wife, Mrs. Marie, were more than just my grandparent’s best friends. They were family; I saw them more than most of my actual family. They were the ones I would fifth wheel with almost every Sunday at breakfast after church. When I received that call from my mom, my world stopped; it was like losing a grandparent. I sat there in my dorm room and just cried. My mom came all the way to Lafayette picked me up and drove me back to Sulphur. The next few days were a blur. I went to the rosary and watched my grandma cry her eyes out, as did I. The next day, we proceeded to go to the funeral. I, of course, had to go back to school, 75 minutes away. I’m not going to lie, the first week back to school after the funeral was weird; I missed my family more, talked to them all day everyday and cried myself to sleep every night. With time, things got better, and I surrounded myself with friends who knew what had happened and cared for me. However, there will forever be something in the back of my mind wishing that I could have told Mr. Wayne goodbye and thank him for being the amazing man he was and for never losing his smile.
I thought everything was going great, and then my mom contacted me.
This past Friday, another one of my grandparent’s best friends received their angel wings. I, of course, was in Lafayette at an orientation, my last one to be exact. Uncle Richard, as we called him, was a very loving man who would always hug me after I altar-served at church. He would always tell me, "Don’t be so serious up there, you are allowed to smile!" That would definitely put a smile on my face. He had been suffering for a long time and died peacefully. His rosary and funeral will be just as hard as Mr. Wayne’s, because he, too, was more than just my grandparent’s best friend.
I realized when Mr. Wayne died that I really did leave half my heart in another town. For anyone that knows me, I am a simple lady who loves being around her family. With the two deaths of these very close family friends, I have this guilt in my heart that will never go away. Especially with how crazy this world has become, every time I leave Sulphur and head over to Lafayette, I am overwhelmed with this nervousness in my heart for the safety and good health for my family and friends. I pray for them every night before I go to bed. Although I do keep them in the back of my mind every day, I am reminded that God wants me to be in Lafayette and that I have a huge support group back in Sulphur. For that, I can get in my car and drive to Lafayette knowing the good Lord is looking over my people as I go to the university of my dreams.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
