Six months ago, I had never been part of a group chat before. As a sophomore in college who has a relatively healthy social life, this had always struck me as unusual for our society, but normal for me. I've never been one to fit into a specific social group or clique, instead bouncing from circle to circle, knowing many and befriending few. My closest friends were linked by me, and group chats never developed partially because I never initiated them.
Everything changed one fateful summer's evening, and the result has been a rollercoaster journey in a new social behavior I didn't know I needed to learn. From carrying on independent conversations within a group narrative, to muting my phone just in case discussion blows up at an inopportune time, there was a long time in which I was simply overwhelmed.
A few months later, I've begun naming and labeling the ways that a group chat has changed how I interact with my friends, and even how I live my daily life.
To begin with, there's always something happening. Every meal is coordinated, every empty afternoon is filled with an opportunity for socialization. As an introvert, this is both a comfort and a challenge. I've been used to planning social interaction 3 to 5 days in advance, and making impulse decisions to hang out with friends often leaves me feeling drained and anxious. On the other hand, there are times when I crave a social outing or simply a conversation, but lack the motivation or the confidence to reach out to someone and ask to spend time with them. This is rarely a problem anymore. The new problem is remembering to say no in respect for my need for personal time.
As much of a blessing as it is to be invited to all types of social events by my extroverted friends, I need to spend more time alone than with others. Once upon a time, I would have felt guilty for passing up an invitation to dinner out of fear of damaging the friendship. Now, I know that I have a group that will welcome me when I want to be there, but that even if I decline once I will be invited back the next time. It wasn't until I had this kind of social comfort that I realized how much I feared my friends leaving because I am an introvert. My entire life I have been anxious in social situations because I fear that my need for personal time, or the way I'm uncomfortable making impulse decisions will inevitably lead to friends who feel unvalued or disrespected. Consequently, I've frequently sacrificed my mental and emotional help to "save friendships" when I otherwise would have liked to be alone.
It wasn't until I had the reassurance of the group chat that I truly felt at ease with saying no to my friends. I still value my time with them, but I know that I don't need to spend all my time with them. This newfound confidence has also shown itself outside of my social circle, in how I interact with the world around me. I've noticed myself starting conversations, with both acquaintances and strangers. I'm no longer scared to invite myself to sit down with friends.
