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How I Found the Strength to Live

"I want to tell my younger self that my smiles outnumber my tears."

Apr 17, 2017

With all the awareness of suicide going on in the media lately, it's important that we as a society continue to bring this issue into the light. It is not an individual's burden to bear on their own. This is our issue because a community can cure. I hope my experience can help someone out there to realize that there is a light after the dark.

There was a point in my life where I absolutely did not want to continue living.

I'm still not comfortable enough to explain what was going on in my life or what happened to me but I am okay to say that it left me with life-long damage. It made my mind go into the darkest places that make me hesitant to relive. My therapist diagnosed me with depression and PTSD.

I have triggers.

I can only handle a certain amount of physical contact.

I have horrible self-esteem.

I have nightmares.

I have panic attacks.

But even with all these faults...

I am alive.

I've grown to love life and cope with my issues. Now, don't get me wrong, this did not happen overnight. In fact, it took almost 9 years for me to look at life in a different lens. It took therapy, trusting the people closest to me, adjusting my mentality, leaning coping mechanisms and doing the grueling process of pulling myself out of the hole that I was in.

I wish I could tell my 11 year old self how amazing my life is now. How I'm graduating college, have an amazing job, life-long friends, close relationships with my family, and memories that keep me going.

I want to tell my younger self that my smiles outnumber my tears.

I also want to thank her. I want to thank her for pushing through and finding the will to survive. Without her, I would not be here.

It's like I can breathe a breath of fresh air and let the small things roll off my shoulder because my outlook on life is completely different. So I want others out there to know that there is hope. You may not believe me because right now it seems like it's as bad as it could be but there is. You may think that it sounds cliche, but the only reason that people say it so often is because it's so true. It gets better.

Fight for life.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (Toll-free, 24 hours a day)

1-800-273-8255

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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