It’s sad to think that people go through their lives without forgiving someone. We were given a life with a greater purpose and holding one with grudges is not one.
From my 19 years of living, I’ve encountered a decent number of unflattering events. Somewhere I was seeking forgiveness for my wrongdoings, through these moments I learned that forgiveness is more than just apologizing.
The first step is acceptance and forgiving yourself. Even though I listed this as my first step, it may be the hardest. This is the stage where you quit overthinking and you quit beating yourself up for what happened. No one deserves to be miserable for something that can no longer be undone. Accept what's been done and get ready to face it.
The second step is to always communicate with the person directly. Sadly, the word sorry gets thrown around so often it becomes meaningless. Therefore, I can’t stress how important it is to start with a sincere apology. Personally, I recommend offering an explanation, sometimes people need to hear your side of the story but be prepared to hear them out too.
The third step is allowing time and patience to settle the tension. Although it depends on the situation I’ve learned that time helps ease the pain. In the past, I’ve had to remind myself to be patient because people cope differently. So give him/her space and use that time to reflect.
The fourth and final step is learning. Living by “forgive and forget,” is frankly foolish. Don't forget, remind yourself of what happened and learn from it. Reflecting always helps me, I see it like, would I ever want the incident to occur again? More than 99.9% of the time it’s a big no, so why should I ever repeat the same mistake?
I won’t even sugarcoat it, it’s a challenging process but only YOU decide your next step and your choice will be ultimately reflected in the outcome.
My advice will not necessarily apply to every situation but I hope it helps some of you in conflict.
