Every girl has had some type of heartbreak (and if you happen to be a girl that hasn't, lucky you). It is not always easy. In fact, it may have been one of the hardest things to go through, emotionally, that is. I believe that the hardest part of it is knowing that (excuse my use of lyrical cliché) "when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even". There is always one of the two hearts that is way more damaged than the other. I, unfortunately, had the heart that was shattered into pieces and truthfully I thought I would never get over it. But I got through it. And guess what, so can you. Love isn't dead after your first heartbreak.
The details of what I did during my heartbreak are not something I like to talk about, but I will finally spill the beans. I fell into bad habits out of spite, hoping the pain would go away. I drank A LOT, I did drugs (and I don't mean just blazin' up a fatty), I thought that abusing pills that were not prescribed to me would help me forget everything because just one bar could leave me waking up the next morning trying desperately to piece together what exactly happened the night before. I starting flunking out of school because I just didn't want to participate anymore. Attending school was hard because there might be a time or two when I'd see him or his little sister, and that hurt me. I missed him. At the time it seemed like I was going to just wither away into a puddle of tears, curse words, hatred, and all things bad and dark. I spent most of my nights crying as silently as I could into my pillow or as hysterically as possible to my best friend. I remember at one point I briefly thought about suicide. I let him into my heart, I showed him all of me inside and out, and he left me. THAT'S how bad I hurt. Why did I love this boy so much? Why did it all drive me so crazy?
It all started my junior year of high school. The school year was almost over and I had just noticed this just guy in the cafeteria making silly faces at the girl sitting next to me. I was immediately taken aback by his green eyes. You know that thing we do when we want someone to notice us on social media? We get all like/favorite crazy. It's like a magical "hey look at me!" button, you know what I'm talking about?... Anyways, he was giving my social media MAJOR love. I couldn't believe it. He eventually slid in my DM's and we started flirting. We met up in school the next day and he walked me to my fourth block. I'll never forget how absolutely rude he was. "Do you shave your arms? No? Well you should." How romantic, right? (I went home that night and jumped in the shower to shave my arms by the way.) From then on, we were in love... or so I thought.
We spent the summer in Mississippi with his mom where he first told me he loved me. I believe that part of the reason why I loved him so much was because I was in love with his family too. I was introduced to the world of organic food, old movies, and laughter like I'd never experienced. He was literally my everything because I really didn't have much. I told him everything under the sun about me and he did the same, he told me things that I will take to the grave with me. So when I heard him say those three magic words, I believed it.
Our relationship ended on a Thursday in October as I was on the hunt for schools to attend once I graduated. I was so looking forward to going to college and rooming with my bestie. He ended what was ours early in the morning. Friday, I toured a school I'd previously picked to be close to him. Two days later on Monday, I sucked it up and went to school. The day wasn't half over before I saw him with her and all hell broke loose. Why would he do this to me? I begged and begged and begged for him to come back. I was so desperate. I told them both I hated them, cursed them out, and said a lot of things I regret. (And if either of you are reading this now, know that I don't hate you.) He was so happy and I was left with mascara running down my face. But I realized something, how dare I try to ruin the happiness of someone I knew I loved even if I said otherwise? I was so heartbroken I did things out of my character (refer to paragraph two). I EVEN JOINED THE ARMY. Now that is where my story changes.
I thought escaping by joining the Army would fix my broken heart. And guess what? It did, and I don't mean the actual military experience. I bonded with a man over our military careers. He told me he was a Marine and wished me luck in basic which was a couple months away. We bonded even more over the SuperBowl Halftime Show. This man became my best friend and it wasn't long before we fell in love. He drove 12 hours straight after working all day just to come see me. My heartbreak was suddenly gone. I had developed severe anxiety after it all and he was there to hold me while I cried uncontrollably with my bouts (he even got me a puppy for when he wasn't there), he saved me and I loved him so much more for that. This man stuck by me for all of my training even with our fair share of bumps in the road. I received a beautiful diamond ring in the mail and via FaceTime, he asked me to marry him.
Here I am now, married to this man and together we share a beautiful baby girl. God has a plan and in my case his plan was to get me to let go of someone who he did not intend for me to spend forever with. As stubborn as I was, as much as I rebelled against His will, I now understand. My heart that was once shattered was now fixed. As much as I hated life after everything that had happened, it all seems so small now and it's so crazy to me that I once thought love was dead. I survived my first real heartbreak and knowing it will be my last makes me happy. As confusing as it may be, never underestimate God's plan. That boy that broke your heart and left you out to dry? He is not the one, God would never leave you to pine over some boy forever that was not as invested in you as you were to him. Love is blinding and you may think your life is over, but remember that you can make it through and the love of your life will appear someday whether it be days, weeks, months, or years later. I hope the boy who broke my heart is happier than ever, because I know I am.
