I received my absentee ballot on Wednesday, but I told myself I wouldn't take it out and vote until I could be in a quiet, reflective space. I knew voting for the first female presidential nominee was a really big deal and I wanted to be able to give it my full, undivided attention. So after my classes finished Friday afternoon, I went back to my residence hall and opened the envelope.
There her name was, staring right back at me. Listed under "Presidential Elector for President and Vice President" was Hillary Clinton. The first woman to win the presidential nomination. I took a deep breath and filled in the circle, taking my time, making sure each edge was filled in with the utmost care.
I reflected upon how ceremonious this occasion was. How lucky I felt to be living in a time and place where a woman's name could be on the ballot for president. I silently thanked all of the women who came before me, who paved the way for Hillary. The women who blazed trails, fighting for their rights, their uteruses, their vaginas, their children, their breasts, their bodies, their humanity. All of the women who looked powerful men in the face and said, "I am just as much of a person as you are, and I will not stand down until I am seen as any less."
I thought of all of the little girls to come, who stand a chance of living in a society where a courageous, bright, trustworthy woman is our fierce, unrelenting leader. A woman who sets the example that girls can do anything. Little girls living in a world where they can say "I want to be the president when I grow up," and they won't be laughed at.
Then, I felt afraid. Right below Hillary's name was the ugliest name I could imagine - Donald J. Trump. I thought of all of the people who might have received the same exact ballot as me and filled out a different bubble. The bubble of a man who continually degrades women, African-Americans, Mexicans, Muslims and disabled people. I fear Donald Trump's world.
There aren't many things in my life that are more important to me than my identification as a female. Being a woman in the twenty-first century has profoundly shaped the way I see the world. The sexism and adversity that I have faced trying to become a strong, independent, intelligent leader who is also a woman is something I will never forget. I will never forget the way that men have looked at me or spoken at me or challenged me or doubted me because I have breasts and a vagina.
If Donald Trump becomes president, that is what my forever looks like. His locker room talk will set an example for the way women deserve to be treated, and it will perpetuate misogyny and set gender relations back 100 years and those little girls will be laughed at for wanting to be president and I don't want to live in that world.
Hillary is my only hope. So I'll hold on to the pride, opportunity, and gratitude that I felt while filling in her bubble. I'll hold on until my dreams get realized - I refuse to let the idea of Donald Trump crush them.
