The Christmas season is so often synonymous with being the “happiest time of year”. It awakens a yearning in Americans across the country for a cozy fire, homemade gingerbread, and your drunk uncle’s passionate explanation of why smartphones are a sign that the apocalypse is near. Christmas tends to be a joyful time for all – that is unless you have some suppressed memory from ’99 when your mom told you that Santa believed the Easy-Bake Oven was a tool of the antifeminist movement, and thus you received a disc of your Aunt Barbara doing her best rendition of “No Scrubs” and a dense biography on Sandra Day O’Connor .

However, come this November, there will be fission of this great nation into two drastically opposing camps. This clash has the potential to kill the holiday spirit in citizens from New York to California – and no, this has nothing to do with the upcoming presidential election. That is a battle for that kid from junior year calculus and his friend’s liberal aunt he met at a barbecue five years ago to fight out in the comments section of his latest racist Facebook status. The real brawl of November 2016 will be whether or not your Christmas-happy best friend and the boyfriend that she moved in with last September will break up over his refusal to allow a singing snowman in the bathroom before the day after Thanksgiving.

The concept of “premature Christmas decorating” is an issue that has Americans up in arms, and there has yet to be a viable solution proposed to quell the passion on either side. It’s primarily addressed in the form of memes and side comments from your cranky co-worker Carl; however, American leaders have kept the controversial issue radio silent on the political stage, no matter how much emotional suffering it triggers in people of all ages and walks of life. It is a division far deeper than that of the Republican Party after Donny Trump and Hollywood’s favorite perv, “the Bushy”, released a spoiler alert that Tic Tacs are the plot resolution of How to Get Away With Sexual Assault. The debate over the start date of the Christmas season has created rifts between roommates, best friends, and your office manager and his work wife over her idea of to celebrate eight Fridays of Christmas in order to most appropriately recognize David Shulman from HR’s observance of Hanukkah.

But if you take a poll from millennials you meet on the street or at the bar you blackout at every other Friday night, you’ll find that their reasons for taking a pro or opposition stance on an early Christmas season are completely valid and logical arguments. These are just a few of the responses I received from friends, coworkers, and hipster baristas I met at a Saint Motel cover band concert on the issue:

Team “Never Too Early”

“The sooner the season starts, the more time there is for holiday parties. The more time there is for holiday parties, the more holiday parties there will be. I’m no mathematician, but I am keenly aware that the number of holiday parties positively correlates to the number of excuses I will have to consume a socially unacceptable amount of White Russians while wearing my grandma’s least favorite sweater.”

- Jennifer, 26

“Premature Christmas decorating and shopping is beneficial to the economy. I generally spend even more money on food and alcohol than I can realistically afford and then continue dipping into the hole to buy presents for my family, my roommates, and the doorman at the Trump Tower because God knows he hates his job. Next thing you know, I’m on the verge of single-handedly bringing down the US unemployment rate to zero. I’ve written to President Obama about my policy ideas regarding Christmas as the answer to all our financial woes, but he has yet to get back to me.”

- Brendan, 24

“Extra time to celebrate Christmas before Christmas would definitely ease the guilt of my decision to have my destination bachelorette party in Moscow on December 25. See, the airfare on Christmas is outrageously cheap. But all my friends want to hang out with their families or whatever. There would be far less pressure on the actual holiday if we all had an extra few weeks to get that all out of the way. I mean Peppermint-Twist Smirnoff was our sorority’s go-to beverage, and my Swedish waxing specialist is pretty sure it tastes even better in Russia. I’m only thinking about the good of the group.”

- Tara, 25

“The joy of this time of year should not be suppressed and unleashed as late as the day after Thanksgiving. It should be welcomed and accepted not only for the plethora happiness and generosity that it brings to the world, but also for the gift of holiday music. My mom finally knows the words to and owns a copy every song on the radio, which means I finally get a break from helping find her favorite pop songs on iTunes every weekend. It takes hours and half a fifth of Bourbon to decipher her vague descriptions of artists and confused lyrical recollection. My liver can’t handle Christmas coming so late anymore.”

- Jared, 21

Team “Day After Thanksgiving, So Help Me God”

“Kevin, the cashier at the CVS on Lincoln Road, never once questioned my fake ID in all my years of college. But come November 1, the poor guy has to listen to a stuffed Alvin the Chipmunk belting “All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” every time children under the age of eight and men under the age of twenty-eight walk into isle four. I love Kevin. My roommate loves Kevin. He’s the reason we were never left sober after last minute decisions to go to the frat houses on Wednesday nights during sophomore year. We would honestly do anything to alleviate his suffering. I have half the mind to sell the clothes I stole from my sister to buy out the entire stock of the little devils, all in the name of Kevin’s sanity.”

- Stephanie, 22

“I think that it is so disrespectful to subvert Snoopy’s big debut at the Thanksgiving Day Parade with twenty plus days of aggressive pre-exposure to Santa Snoopy collector’s figurines and ornaments in K-Mart commercials and my dermatologist’s waiting room. I also only have so much tolerance for beagles in Christmas hats after my dad’s boss’s dog ate my dope Thomas the Tank kicks at his office’s holiday party in 2001.”

- Michael, 29

“It’s important to take into account America’s second most divisive issue when deciding where you stand. This, of course, is the design of the Starbucks holiday cup. It’s an uproar of boycotts and unwarranted negative media attention – complete chaos, really. Earlier this year, I purchased a few shares in the company after I had a premonition that Dr. Oz would cure cancer with Pumpkin Spice Lattes. I’m not looking to sell, so it would be nice if the holidays were a little shorter, or frankly didn’t exist. A psychic once told me that I would likely be a billionaire by 32 if I played my cards wisely. I’m telling you that this has to be my year.”

- Trevor, 31

“New Yorkers don’t need any more tourists to further manifest their xenophobia for anyone living outside the five burrows. I personally can’t stand the happy families looking for their own “Christmas in New York” experience. The less time Frank and Carol spend taking pictures of their three kids in the middle of every sidewalk in Midtown, the less likely I will be to knock that 2009 Nikon Coolpix from Frank’s hands. Each day in November without decorations strewn across Manhattan is another day that Frank gets to spend with his old as sh*t camera in blissful ignorance of its inevitable demise.”

- Maria, 27

Regardless of where you stand, it’s happening. Christmas is coming. You can either embrace it by curing your Halloween hangover with a little eggnog or hope that one day, society will revert back to conservative values because throughout the month of November, you wore an “Americans Against Premature Christmas Decorating” graphic tee that you bought on Etsy for $26.50. As Gandhi once said, “be the change you want to see in the world”. May the mistletoe be ever in your favor.