Do I really move on?
I have been asking myself this question for months and I have come to the satisfaction that even though we all want to say yes, the real answer is really no.
No, I am not moved on from the abandonment of my Father.
No, I am not moved on from the pain of my Mother.
No, I am not moved on from the relationships with horrible guys.
No, I am not moved on from my eating disorder, depression, anxiety, personality disorder, OCD or whatever is destroying you and your mind and body.
No, I am not moved on from not going to school and chasing my dreams.
No, I am not moved on.
And hell, no, I will not move on.
But. I will live on.
I will not move from one place to another just to please myself or please others by the pretending of strength I have to say I moved on.
We all know we are not.
We all know we have daunting memories from our childhood that still affects us to this day. We all know that our past relationships have taught us what we don't need, but we still remember the pain and brokenness that came from all those dirty and heart wrenching relationships. We all know that even though we dearly love our parents and appreciate ALL the hard work they put into us as kids and those scary teenage years, the decisions they made still hurt us. We still fear we'll become like them and make the same mistakes they did.
We still remember the pain, loss, hurt, anger, and disappointment of our childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. We remember everything that has tried to take us down. We can forgive ourselves and others, but we cannot forget. We will always remember what hurt us.
And, friend, I want to live in a world where we stop asking if we have moved on. I want to ask: How are you living? Are you living better because of it? Is it making you a better person? And, if you say no, that's when we can stand together and live together and be better because of what happened to us. We are not helping each other by asking if we have moved on because we are just asking what we already know they are going to say (and lie about). We need to live on from what caused us heartache and pain and separation. And if you aren't living on from it, then let's help each other live lives that are far from what hurt us. From what broke us. From what tore us down and away from what we used to be.
Let's live together. Let's live on. Let's ask life questions. Let's do life together. Let's not ever move on, but live on. On to the next phase of life. On to the next season. And when we do it together, we can live in newfound hope. As a team. Because we are truthfully stronger together.
What do you need to live on from? Do you have others in your life who ask you the hard life questions? Are you faking being okay when you are not okay? Have you lied about being moved on too?
Let's be a family and support each other.
In this process, we will become brave.
