Ok, be honest my Single Lady Homies. What's your first response when you see a nice-looking guy? Maybe you check your makeup or fix your clothes or run your fingers through your hair. You automatically tend to your appearance, am I right? Because it's obvious--in order to have his attention, he has to be looking at you. And what’s the first thing he sees? Your face and body and if he's close enough, your eyes. Some of you don't have confidence in your appearance, thinking he would never give you a second glance and that, with your predicament, using your looks seem to be the only option to get him to notice you unless you have guts to talk to him (gasp. . . the thought!). You think you have to have a type of look to get his attention. "What if I tried this type of makeup?", "What about this hairstyle?", "What if I showed a little more skin?".

Oh, but so many of us are answering these questions and also losing ourselves and even our dignity. We are so quick to think that our appearance is the bait just because we are taught that’s how “men work”. After all, it's the photoshopped girls that get the most likes on social media, and they probably get the most double-takes from guys in real life. There’s this great bible verse that I think every lady can benefit from, and it’s focusing on what is truly beautiful about a woman: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:3-4) Of course, dressing your nicest can allow you to feel confident in yourself, but don’t make your outward appearance your bait to lure men in.

Reading a few articles on moralrevolution.com, I came across a ground-breaking idea: Women have an inherent “need to be seen”. Some of us think that this need is met when we get that look from that special guy. The reality is that that look is not going to fill that need. That look is a temporary fix for our need, a 3-second high. What we really need is to have someone really look at us in the eyes, into our soul, and enjoy us for who we are and want to spend time with us.

As girls, our minds jump so quickly from seeing a boy to dreaming about our wedding day. What are even the chances that one glance would be the start of an entire relationship? I feel like that only happens in movies. Society puts so much pressure on girls to catch a guy, and if we can’t do so with ease, we feel so lonely and worthless. Like we aren’t enough. We are putting too much value on our relationship status and not enough on ourselves as a person with other needs. Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of a man, don’t make it your priority. Don’t think that your worth is based on how easily you can get a guy to like you, especially if that means changing how you look. A truth that I think lots of girls should hear is that a deep, lasting relationship with a guy is worth waiting for. You won’t have to change yourself or your appearance in order to quickly snatch him up.

I told my friend who asked the question that inspired this article that a relationship is like a college degree. If a college degree were as easy to attain as a driver’s license that only required one class and a ten-minute road test, then it wouldn’t be as valuable. What makes a degree valuable is all the time and energy put into studying the hard stuff and becoming a skilled person before going out into the big world. Rushing into a relationship just to say you’re in a relationship isn’t as valuable as when you focus on yourself right now and wait for just the right time and the right guy who will notice you for more than just your looks. Don't settle for quick fixes and don't think that one guy's attention is going to make everything in your life better. You do you and the right guy will come along.