Divorce in this generation has become pretty normal. It's not a surprise anymore to find out that your friend's parents split up, that they have a step-sibling, or that they have two different houses. I remember growing up and it never phased me if I had a friend with divorced parents. I never really understood the depth of marriage back then and what divorce entailed, I just knew it meant that someone had two parents who were separated. As I got older it seemed more and more evident that my friends' parents were splitting up left and right. I knew my parents fought a lot, but I never imagined they'd get divorced. It was something I'd think about in the back of my mind, but I never believed they'd follow through with it. We were a family; and after 30 years of marriage what could break them up now?
It's funny how life sometimes happens in the exact opposite way in which you thought it would.
My entire life my parents were together. They slept in the same bed. They were both there on Christmas morning. They celebrated anniversaries and birthdays. They argued, but I felt that was pretty normal.
It wasn't until I got to high school that I realized my parents' relationship was not healthy and that they should probably split up.
One morning before school my mom came into my bedroom and told me that my dad had filed for divorce. It didn't come as a huge surprise, but it still didn't feel very real at first. And I didn't know how it would feel later.
At first I was almost relieved because I knew that meant the fighting would stop and maybe they could just be civil with one another without having to be married and live together. But then I found out my dad was having an affair and hatred came over me and probably outweighed most of my feelings for a good year.
I'll never forget the night my dad left. And that for nine months I didn't hear from him. And since the two years that he left, I've seen him in person five times.
Divorce isn't how little kids see it. It's not two birthdays and two christmases. At least it always doesn't work out that way. It's having a check mailed to you for your birthday present and maybe seeing one parent every couple of months. It's wondering if their relationship your entire life was a lie. It's feeling like your family is broken and will never be the same. It's being at Thanksgiving dinner and instead of your dad sitting at the head of the table, your big brother does. It's like your whole world is consumed by their divorce because who you called your "parents" now comes out of your mouth separately by saying "mom" and "dad".
If anything, a divorce this late into their marriage makes me scared of having my own. It makes me wonder if one day my husband would up and leave me. And if after 30 years of friendship and family and a life together, that he would just walk away from it all. It has created trust issues for myself and has made me scared of commitment because I don't want to be hurt the same way my mom was. Not to mention when you're this age and your parents get divorced, you're not as sheltered to the details of it all. You're exposed to so much more than if they had just split up when you were a kid.
And I didn't even mention the cost. I'm in college now, and that's expensive. So when your parents' combined cost for a divorce amounts to over 30,000 dollars, it's a little frustrating when you're over here drowning in student loan debt.
The hardest part though was knowing that everything is going to be different. Everyone references parts of your life into chapters; well, there's a chapter when my parents were together and now when they're separated. For 18 years my parents were together and it's all I had ever known. And now they're not. So it's a huge change that I have to get used to. I don't even know my dad's address or how to get to his apartment by heart. I live with my mom and our dogs. My parents and I used to go shopping and to the movies and to dinners and weekend trips together, but now it's just my mom and I. Holidays aren't the same and it's weird having your newly divorced parents at your high school graduation.
It's much different when you're older and your mom and dad split. It makes you lose your faith in a few things you used to believe in, but the damage it does is a constant reminder of how you likely never want that.
