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How Delco Handles Snowstorms

It's just how you'd expect: a mess of nonsense.

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How Delco Handles Snowstorms

Well, it’s happening again: the first big snowstorm to hit the East Coast. With various states expecting anything from two to 30 inches, people everywhere are boarding up their windows, throwing down some brine, and mentally preparing for three days locked in their homes with their loved ones. Yikes.

Here in Delco, there is a special ritual for gearing up for big snow, and here it is:

Step 1: Buy loads of bread, milk and eggs.


When the snow starts falling, we immediately fall into 1895 and need to buy six weeks' worth of French toast ingredients for six hours of snow.

Step 2: Throw down a few pounds of salt.

Inhabitants of Delco firmly believe that if salt is thrown down, an invisible shield will protect their driveways from the ice. They’re wrong. Nature wins.

Step 3: Contemplate the impending doom.

Between the weather channel, the township emergency lines and your weird great-aunt who is creepily superstitious, we in Delco just accept that death is coming

Step 4: Plan your day off.

With all the commotion, Delcoians assume they will have whatever incoming work/school day off. Non-stop "Arrested Development" it is!

Step 5: Wake up to find out that the dreaded snow never fell.

Oh no….

Step 6: Begrudgingly return to normal life and claim to have always known there was never going to be any snow.

Liars. Every one of them.

And so the ritual will continue until the end of time. Only time will tell us if Winter Storm Jonas will actually be a storm or if it will be another Delco illusion.

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