About two years ago, I was diagnosed with major depression disorder (MDD) like many other people. I was depressed for a very long time prior to that diagnosis and I never came to terms with it because I felt that I was just being over dramatic and having typical emotions that accompany the journey through adolescence. So with that being said, I never told my parents or friends I had sad and suicidal thoughts and or episodes of panic attacks.
It’s truly a debilitating disorder, especially if you are one who rather would keep things reserved about personal matters. My hard-headedness led me to prevent myself from sharing my thoughts and emotions with people who I should be trusting. I ended up attempting suicide a few times before. During one of those times, it got to the point where I almost died and I ended up being admitted to the Mental Health Resource Center (MHRC) after being released from the emergency room. After that experience and many others, I decided that I had to do something in order to get out of the obstacle I was in.
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The most important thing now is that I feel better than ever, like the feeling of having conquered a long and arduous battle. Here’s how I did it:
I stopped seeking external validation from others
I was always so consumed with the opinions of others, that I failed to recognize that I was important regardless of other people’s thoughts of me. Whenever I attempted to solidify a “good” impression for other people, I ended up doing the wrong things and I ended up being a slave to society’s influence.
I accepted the help that was given to me
There have been many opportunities given to me for a long time and it took me a while to kind of cherish it and take advantage of it. My parents and doctors were always kind and considerate of my feelings and advised me towards a better path in recovery.
I set goals and higher standards for myself
In high school, it was really hard for me to be able to balance out my home life and school life because there was a lot of things I was dealing with at the time that stunted my academic endeavors. When a person is extremely depressed, they get the feeling that nothing is worth doing or accomplishing so I ended up having quite a few bad grades then… I regret a lot of it, as it was my mistake and of course, if I could do it all over again, I would. I decided that my transition into college would be one that I could take advantage of to change myself and so I did. I ended up going into Student Government as a senator and member of Government Oversight, I help and tutor other students with biology in my free time, I recently got a job at Panera, I write for the Jacksonville Odyssey, and I plan on majoring in nursing to work alongside my mom and dad.
I started putting myself in other people’s shoes
There was this analogy that I heard one time about placing yourself in other people’s shoes. I forgot what it was, but it really got me to think, “How does it really feel?” I thought about my family in the Philippines and I thought about all the children who could have been in my place right now with a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, shoes to wear, meals without a question and vast educational resources. I feel like if one of those poor kids were to ever take my place they would have excelled, they would have done better than me and they would have taken advantage of these amazing opportunities to fullest. I didn’t want to be that one person who threw it all away for selfish reasons. Now I think about disadvantaged people all over the world and I have decided that I want to do it for them. There was a teacher I knew of in high school, Mr.McKnight, who funded and took care of an orphanage in the Philippines with his teacher’s salary. I admired his noble act from afar and I decided I wanted to do the same one day. When I started putting myself in these people’s shoes I cherished my life more than ever.
I exercised self-control and abstinence
I used to go against my parents’ wishes and I would do bad things that made them question my actions and influences. Over time, I chose to simply just be a person that I would want to see myself as. I began to exercise and eat healthier. I also do whatever I can to abstain from things like partying or going to clubs like a lot of other college students do (although, I never had a deep affinity for going to those things) which helped me focus more on my studies and priorities for my future.
Not until recently, I gained higher self-esteem and respect for myself and I couldn’t have done it without these 5 things. One day, I told my mom that I was ready to get off my medication. I still take it to this day, but I had such a high dose that I would have to take it step-by-step. I feel that I have conquered it now because I truly feel like I am in one of the best places I can be. I am content, I feel successful in the things that I’ve done recently and I feel like I am a better person than I was before.
Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoyed.
Most importantly, thanks to my mom and dad who were always there and tried their best to sacrifice their time and effort towards my betterment (as well as Nathaniel, John, and Alex, my brothers)
Furthermore, thank you Dr.Desai and Dr.Witherspoon, all of my wonderful teachers from Stanton, my family in the Philippines, and my friends Marie Ganut, Kynah Saylon, Angel Howard, Ariel Gomez, Durrell Cobb, Camya Robinson, Jalicia Lewis, Jahn Almojera, Shravan Kan, Yomar Cummings, John McKenzie, Alex Tablada, Kylah Thompson, Devin Guan, Jordan Phillipps, Mr.Phillipps, Chester Vergara, Hunter Lithalangsy, Ian Lor, Andrew Garcia, Bryant Lu, Atmerson Atienza, Sean Ramirez, Erika Galindo, Veronica Tran, Krystel Saylon, Camille Vergara and many others for keeping my world a happy place.
