When I made the decision to attend Catholic high school, I was unaware of how much it would change me, for the bad and good. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to this day that I had the opportunity to get a private education, and I appreciate my parents' support (especially financially.) I was able to expand my understanding of my Catholic upbringing and was confirmed. I also had some great teachers and one on one tutoring because of the small class sizes. Even though I consider myself an above average student, it still really prepared me for college and I have some good memories.

However, I didn't realize the toll such a commitment would take on me until I was a young woman in my twenties. When I went back to school last fall, I wasn't enjoying school or my major. I questioned what I was even still doing in school and I was incredibly anxious and overwhelmed. I couldn't quit school, though. It didn't even seem like an option for me. Sure, college isn't for everyone, but I was basically "taught" throughout my four years of private high school, that if I didn't go to college, I would basically be a nobody and a non-contribution to society. I didn't want to turn out like that and be a disappointment to everyone.

I felt like I had to have my entire life mapped out at only 17. Sure, I had some goals and aspirations, but it was so much pressure. Between getting straight A's, to competing with your classmates as to who got into the best school, and who was actually "going to be someone" after high school. And let me tell you, it's not great having to have a story ready to tell someone, whatever it is they want to hear. It's not easy having to put on this "perfect" act for someone.

Aside from academics, the social aspect of Catholic school is a whole new world from public school. Sure, "shit" happens and people talk, but in Catholic school, EVERYBODY knows your business, one way or another. Even when "teenagers were just being teenagers," you were looked at like the worst Catholic if a rumor was spread about you or what you did over the weekend slipped out. The worst part, though, is if the "favorite kids" were accused, there would be no consequences for them. If you weren't a favorite, you had to watch your back.

I lived my life like this for probably much longer than I even realized, feeling like I had to be the best at everything and do what is considered "acceptable." It's okay to not have it all together and to not know what exactly you want to do in life. Even though I was in a college preparatory school, I wish other options were not looked so down upon. If a student wants to take a year off, travel the world, join the military, or even go straight into the working world, encourage it. If I could go back and tell that to my senior in high school self that what others think don't matter, I would.

Looking back, would I have changed attending private high school, despite the early mornings, long days and late nights, pressure to be perfect, and never-ending loads of homework...I don't know. I can't question anything or worry about what someone from high school thinks; it simply doesn't matter anymore. Sure, I got into every college I applied and am doing well, along with having grown incredibly much in my faith. Could I have done all of that in public school? Maybe. Again, it's not even worth questioning.

Any student out there reading, I want you to know that school is important. I'm not saying flunk out and become a hoodlum, or purposely cause trouble. But, I do want you to know that even if you try your best and still can't get an A, are not a "favorite," don't get into the top university, or don't know what's going to happen in your future, it's okay. He loves you the way you are.