My friends know that I try to be a confident person when out in public with them, when in reality I am the exact opposite. I've always been the "big girl" ever since I can remember. From fifth-eighth grade I got made fun of constantly for my weight. A young girl going through puberty already has enough hormones that are all out of whack going through her system, she doesn't need bullies in her life telling her she isn't good enough.
High school was more of the same. Walking through the halls hearing boys say, "She's pretty but she needs to lose weight," is enough to make anyone cry. Instead of boys straight up rejecting me for my weight, when I tried to make conversation with them they would ignore it and ask about my "hot friend" or my sister.
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Fast forward to now, I'm a college sophomore and nothing has changed. When I go out with my pretty friends I don't even try to look nice anymore because no one will be impressed because even though I may be pretty, I'm still the big girl.
I don't go to the bar hardly anymore because anytime I do the stares I get practically burn a hole in my head. As if just because I'm plus size means that I can't go out and have fun with my friends, when we go out to eat I always get a salad or a healthier option because I see the looks my family and even the waiters give me. I have not felt comfortable being around a large group of people at a concert or at a party, I do not feel comfortable ordering food because I feel like I'm being judged, I didn't even feel comfortable writing a piece for Thanksgiving about food.
I hardly ever post a full body picture on Instagram or Facebook because I'm not confident with my body and knowing this and living with it everyday is such a burden.
Don't get me wrong, I know deep down that every time someone laughs behind me they aren't laughing at the cellulite on my legs or the way my legs shake when I walk, but my past experiences with bullying have molded me to be paranoid about anyone laughing or whispering when they're close to me.
No man, woman or child should have to go through the tormenting that I went through in middle school, high school and even still to this day. I will always carry the words said to and about me on my shoulders.
All I'm asking is when you make a comment that could be perceived as rude, mean or even bullying, think about what you're saying. You never know if the words you're saying that seem so harmless are going to be the straw that break the camel's back.
I say this to anyone who is going through or has went through bullying, if you feel like you're alone, you're not. I am here for you. Send me a Facebook message, email me (kelseycolon55@gmail.com), anything and I will be an ear to listen. You are not alone, I've been through what you're going through and while I still have scars from the bullying, I am still me. I will be here to cry with you, to smile and to laugh.
From one person who's been bullied to another, you are enough.
