Body talk has been a big topic lately, but I think sometimes it catches us off guard. I recently got very sick and for the first half of myself being sick could only think thoughts like "Wow this sucks, this is stupid, I wish this was over" and "Of course, my body would get this sick." I was even feeling suicidal, just because I felt like a burden for how sick I was. Where did I go wrong?
In my own particular case, I had been in a general mental low the week before I got sick, feeling really lonely and staying in bed as much as possible. I was working out, and I had finally got myself to stop having thoughts like "Ugh I wish my body looked a different way," for the most part.
But after my workout, I would continue the cycle of not drinking water and not eating healthy foods. I would also desperately try to ignore these problems by distracting myself with the internet. I could not tell you how many Good Mythical Morning episodes I watched in an attempt to ignore what was going in with my mental health. As a grandiose procrastinator, I kept putting off taking care of my mental and physical health by saying, "Tomorrow I won't spend ten hours on the computer and my phone.", you know, as a procrastinator says.
I'm convinced that I would have gotten sick either way. I had just gotten back from a mission trip and was in close quarters with a lot of people for an entire week. But getting back from a mission trip and being alone with myself (or so it felt, as I did have friends and family to go to) was really hard on my mental health. I call it a true sloth week, because I didn't get much done and laid in bed a lot. It was depressing. Anyways, I started to notice my first symptoms of being sick, just a normal sore throat, and I called in sick from work. I could have and should have gone to work, but I was so comfortable with being in bed moping all day that I couldn't bring myself to. As the symptoms got more painful and debilitating, my mental health took a sharp plunge into suicidal territory.
As soon as I realized I was in suicidal territory, I forced myself to find the silver lining. It wasn't hard because I naturally believe everything happens for a reason. Finding the silver lining helped me begin to get my mental health back to a functioning level, but something was still missing. I was still subconsciously beating my body up for getting sick. The reality is, as I mentioned before, because I wasn't taking care of my mental health by talking to a trusted therapist or by taking time away from the computer and eating healthy foods and drinking water, I almost let myself get sick. It's no secret anymore that high levels of stress lead to people getting more sick more often.
I had to begin to force myself to thank my body for all the miraculous things it does, even though I was as sick as a dog. Simple things like pumping blood at the incredibly fast rate that it does throughout every single large and microscopic vein in my body, coordinating my limbs and speech effortlessly, allowing me to learn and be passionate, allowing me to love myself and others, allowing me to push myself in workouts and hikes and enjoy the view at the top. Our bodies do this things every single day for us, without us asking. It's okay that we forget sometimes, but this article is a gentle reminder to thank your body every day for the things it can do.
