So, I got my heart broken. Yes, it is shattered into many, tiny pieces and yes, I do feel incomplete. It is going to hurt for awhile, it is going to absolutely sting down my core every time I run into him anywhere or hear his name at all. But, ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you that I am #Blessed beyond meaning.
I am so exhausted from people telling me how sorry they are that he broke up with me and telling me how they always wanted us together forever. And, yes, of course I wanted that as well, but guess what? No one died, you do not need to hug me and continually ask, "how are you doing?" "are you okay?" Yes, I am fine. I am so done feeling sorry for myself, crying everyday, and wishing for what is no longer here.
I am so blessed. I am blessed that I had the relationship I had for close to two years. I am blessed that I had such a happy and healthy relationship with my best friend. I am so blessed for all the great times and funny adventures we endured. I am so blessed for the other friendships and people I met because of us being together. I am so blessed to have your family treat me as their own, and mine do the same with you. I am so blessed that everyone on this campus knew us as a couple. I am so blessed that whenever you or I did anything we were the first person to support, embrace, or debate each other. I am so blessed that I have had a love like ours and only be 21 years old. I am so blessed to have a person still be alive and miss them this badly. I am so blessed that my heart aches this much because it means that what we had was great — a true blessing is what we had.
Nothing is meant to last forever and there are always bumps in the road. When have you ever watched a movie that did not a have a single problem before the finale? You haven't because it doesn't exist. When I was an angsty junior high girl dealing with my first heartbreak I wrote this sentence down in a notebook, "No fairytale runs smoothly, there's always a big problem before the happily ever after." And I still agree with that young, 14-year-old version of myself. I know life moves on no matter the situation tomorrow will probably come whether you are ready for it or not. And yes, these next few weeks, and months even will be hard. I am going to miss getting to talk to my best friend every day and joking around while hanging out in the evenings and having someone there to hug you and tell you how cute you are and just boyfriend things. Hearing what girl asked him to her formal, or who he spent his night with at a party is going to cause flash flood warnings to my eyes. But, at the end of the day I will be okay. I will still be living.
With all this empowerment talk and acting like I am so strong, this sucks. No positive girl-power quote anyone texts me will make this all of a sudden "okay." Going out every night with my friends and dancing to "High School Musical" breakup songs will turn back time. But, living life and doing things that I enjoy doing will make this life adjustment eventually seem "normal."
I am so blessed to be living with some of my best girl friends right now. They are always there to hold me when I breakdown, listen to me complain, and tell me whenever I need it, "everything will be okay." I am so blessed to have the best, supportive family who always tell me that things will get better and this will be for the best in the end.
I should be angry, depressed, sad and every other negative emotion towards him for breaking my heart. (And yes, some days I feel beyond these things). But I am so happy about everything we had. I am so blessed to have all these beautiful memories even though they haunted me lately, I know one day I will be so glad I have them. Though I hope he never dates, kisses, talks to another girl, I know that is impossible and funny to even think could be possible. I hope one day he'll regret his decision. But for now, I want to admit how blessed I am and how grateful for the amount of love that filled me for so long. So yes, I am okay and actually I am #Blessed, thank you for asking.
